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Step-mom or co-parent? please read all step moms and step-fathers, (religous!)

ok i hate the word step-mom it makes me think of the wicked witch!! i am stop-mom to three beautiful little kids how ever i feel the word step-mom implies i am trying to take over being there mom i would much more prefer the word co-parent??? it also puts a better sound to the whole situation (spelling). becuase as co-parents we are not to take over for the real parents we are there to help parent these children and be a parent type, a friend, or something like an aunt or uncle!!

i also have a problem with step parents dis-ing on the parents i feel no matter what the problem is it should stay adult and not be said in front of the little ones!!! i also feel as co-parents we have to work five times harder for every kid involved!!! i have heard several stories that disturb me about the co-parent (woman) beating on the parent or getting in to fights this will back fire on them and make the kids disrespect the co-parent bc no matter how the parent acts the kids will defeand the parent !!! as co-parents we need to discuss the rules of parenting with are husbands or wives!!! They are the ones in charge BOTTOM LINE!

i love my step kids as much as i do my own and will never treat any of them different this may sometimes seem hard but they are all still kids blood or not and i promise to do my best this is an oath i took when i married someone with kids!!!

i also can go on and on about how i hate the mother but in the same sents i have to love her bc now i get to co-parent three amazing kids!!!! plus bc her and my husbands relationship had a huge down fall i get to have an amazing husband!!! so even through this is difcult it is improtant to see the up side of all this!!!

also a big issue i have is that when the step kids come to you and tell you all the bad stuff their parents have said about you the best way you can handle this is by saying "that everyone has there own opion and they have that right", then drop it kids are just trying to get a reaction and when they tell there parents bad things about you it is bc they know what there parent wants to hear and are trying to get them to love them more!!!

I am a very god-ly person and so i believe through love and kindness we will rasie above are situations, i have in the past not been the best co-parent to the parent this saddens me to bc i know i can do better!!! i can only hope god shows me the way to get to a place where all me and the BM can get along!!!  i can not stress enough how imortant i feel it is for us to live are lives in the word of god!!!
thank you for reading!!!

Answer Question
 
miaB.20

Asked by miaB.20 at 7:13 PM on Apr. 5, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 4 (47 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • I did read it all. I am a co-parent to a hansom 12 year old boy. I do love him like he is mine. I used to hate his mom, but I have learned that the love that I have for my ds is much stronger then the hate I have for his mom. I have learned how to parent a child with an absent parent. His mom moved four years ago, so when my ss talks down about his mom(hes really hurt by her leaving) I always remind him that she had to and she still loves him very much as well as I talk to his mom. She always tells me that she misses him but can't find time or money. I never tell him the bad only the good. I don't even tell him when she cries to me because I don't want to make him feel bad too. When he hurt, I hurt. We are very close. I've been co-parent since age two.
    Kimberly71682

    Answer by Kimberly71682 at 7:35 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • Too many BM would be happy to no even call you a stepparent. I adopted my SS and my husband adopted my son. I have no love for my son's BM and same for my husband toward my son's BF. Some BP can't stand that they have been replaced or another mother/father had been added to their BC life. Good luck!
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 10:52 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • well im sorry to hear that i can see the piont if the birth parent has never been around like in the case of my son and my husband who is not my son BF bc my son never meet his BF! however i feel trying to replace a parent who is around or has rasied the kid for the first 2-10 years is misleading to the child! i am sure there are a few cases where this is ok to! adpotion is great and i think it gives the massage that you love them as if they are your own!!! i was rasied by a single mother and i think it is great for a kid to have more parents that love them in some cases these kids have four!!! .....i am not dis-ing on how any one co-parents just want to get my opiion out there !!! and hear what others have to say how they cope with the issues of being a co-parent.... i just found something that work best and i wanted to share them.... i am a very godly person and so i believe that love and kindness is the way to go...
    miaB.20

    Comment by miaB.20 (original poster) at 12:52 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • i just feel it is also important to let the BP's know they are not being replaced !!! just put yourself in there place can you see how it would feel if you where replaced in your sons or duatgher's lives!!!.... i am not attacking anyone here ... and me and the kids BM dont get along however i will never stop trying!!! it saddes me that she still feels i am out to get her!!!! i believe as the years go on she will see this... it would be better for the kids to see us all get along!!! i just hope god shows me the way to get though!!!
    miaB.20

    Comment by miaB.20 (original poster) at 1:00 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Im a "stepparent" to an 11yr old girl. I also have a 4yrold 14month old and one due in Sept. I love them all so much. I must admit that i do love my kids more than SD or maybe its the way I love them idk. I try so hard everyday to treat her like one of mine i know shes just a kid and thats why i get so mad at myself. I think a lot of it has to do with me cant standing her BM. I never say bad things about her infact im always telling SD that her mom loves her so much (we have had full custdoy for about 3yrs now) SD comes back from her moms house and tells me all these mean things she says about me I just tell her I dont like drama and she can say what she wants. I have had phone messages from her BM mean ones simply cause i asked if SD did her homework for the weekend i learned quickly from that lol. Her BM is never there for her infact SD is still waiting on a phone call back from her since Friday. I try so hard but it so hard
    tomsjennabean

    Answer by tomsjennabean at 8:22 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

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