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Conversations like this brake my heart:-/*what do i do*? vent/

so after i picked up girls from school we went to my Job for a while my 6 year old asked can she spend the rest of the day with my mom so i dropped her off there while me and my 8 year old went to go pay for the dinner reservations for her party,&Went shopping for the rest of the stuff

so we went get to coldstone and my daughter says

Her:Mommy i wanna ask you a question but can you tell me the truth

me:yes sure i can

her:Mommy even if the truth is gonna hurt my feelings i really want you to tell me the truth

me:i promise i"ll tell you the truth,whats the question?

her:Mom do you think my real daddy loves me?

me:why do you ask that?

her:Because mommy i really try to make him love, but i dont think he does hes always reall mean to me and stuff and i feel like shayy(his fiance)doesnt like me eather but i didnt do anything for them not to like me i really didnt,and no matter what i do h doesnt act like he loves me mommy does my daddy love me? do you think?if he doesnt mom you can tell me the truth because i know i have another daddy that loves me alot(my husband) and even tho he passed away i know he still loves me

me:Yess i believe your dad loves you,some people just have a hard time showing others that they love them,

her:well Mommy then why couldnt i go to his house this weekend?even after the court people said i could?and i really was looking forward to going there with my brothers and sisters

me:well um,you have to call him and ask him why didn't you go to his house this weekend that's a decision he made,& if you feel like this then maybe you should talk to your dad about this,

her:Mommy he never cares about me so i just want to ask him does he love me as much as he love shayy(his fiance) and if he doesn't then i"ll try to make him love me as much as he love her because he loves her a whole lot


^^ during that conversation tears came to my eyes,because it hurts me that my daughter cant go to her fathers house because his fiance wants a DNA test on all 8 of his children!!! i dont even know were to go from here i thought about calling him to talk about this but im in no mood to argue with this man right now!! what do i do?

Answer Question
 
LABELmeCUTE

Asked by LABELmeCUTE at 7:57 PM on Apr. 5, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 15 (1,951 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • That's horrible. i'm sorry for your little girl :(
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 7:59 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • Was he always like this, before dating Shay?

    If not, do you think he's acting stand offish until the DNA testing? Regardless, she is 8 and has been IN HIS LIFE for 8 years!!!!!!!!!

    I really lothe people who try to come between a parent and child.

    But...does he seriously have 8 children??? And are they all by different mom's?

    Good Luck.

    I would talk to him and explain how your dd is feeling. He HAS to understand. Or maybe have a sit down with just the 3 of you. (you, ex and dd).
    ItsJustMe1017

    Answer by ItsJustMe1017 at 8:03 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • The best thing any mom can do in this situation is love their child and let their child know even if daddy isn't around mommy will always be there no matter what.
    ajmcheath

    Answer by ajmcheath at 8:04 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • That brought tears to my eyes. I feel for you. That's really sad that she feels like he loves his gf more then his daughters.
    Kimberly71682

    Answer by Kimberly71682 at 8:04 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • I've responded to one of your posts before.. this breaks my heart too. idk if it's the preg hormones or what but i got tears too! I hope all that mess gets straightened out!
    bdflykisses

    Answer by bdflykisses at 8:04 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • Get your daughter into some counseling now! It is fantastic that she's coming out and talking to you like this! Awesome really! If she gets some help sorting through these feelings, sky is the limit! If you don't address this delicatly and strategically, it could affect her relationships with men when she gets older. There is nothing wrong with her, she just needs to understand that.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 8:05 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • @ItsJustMe1017 no he hasn't always been like this and yes he really does have 8 children my 8 different woman but the crazy thing is each and every one of these kids look alike and i know 4 of his other children had got there DNA test today but i refused to get it because he said its for his fiance not him,wtf?what does she have to do with it if it was for him i would have gotten it in a heart beat but its for someone that has nothing to with this situation so NOPE i didn't get it i will probably get it eventually but on my own time
    LABELmeCUTE

    Comment by LABELmeCUTE (original poster) at 8:07 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • It might be a good idea after you cool off to sit down with him, just the two of you and have a talk about this conversation. Don't corner him, or accuse him of anything, he'll just get defensive and not want to talk to you. Just let him know it hurt her, and that you just want her to be as happy as she can be and feel secure that he loves her as much as all of his children. You can also explain to her that he loves his fiance in a different way, and that he does love her, as a Father. Also let her know that none of this is her fault, and that you will take care of it. Then as least she knows she has you on her side. I also don't agree with her asking him why he didn't see her over the weekend, that's your job to ask. I would handle all the adult things in private away from her, it's too much for a child to handle IMO... GL
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 8:07 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • thank you guys so much:)
    LABELmeCUTE

    Comment by LABELmeCUTE (original poster) at 8:08 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • i feel so bad for you right now i was in a similar situation with my son a while back and i just didn't know what to say to him either except that i loved him very much and so did his father. i agree with you about not wanting to say anything to him just yet b/c of being mad but when you do make sure you tell him how much this is affecting your daughter and that she is old enough to know what it feels like to not be loved and be put second to the fiance. Clearly he spending way more time with her than than your daughter for her to feel like she is not loved and that is not fair to her. I hope that this works out for you
    amberpaiz

    Answer by amberpaiz at 8:19 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

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