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2 Bumps

Maybe there are times calling another man "Daddy" are ok, but seriously??

So my brother is currently deployed, and my mom and I have been given his custody schedule while deployed. My mom and I have been very involved with my niece since the get go. Shortly before he left there was a real nasty situation between the brother and the ex wife, and there's been lots of drama so when my niece called mommy's boyfriend Daddy tonight my mom didn't want to rock the boat. My niece is four and the boyfriend has been in the picture for about two years. A year or two ago we heard my niece call him Daddy and my mom addressed it (this is while her father was still stationed far away and didn't see her regularly) and the excuse was "she's little she doesn't know what she's saying," okay then correct her. Sometimes she slips and calls my brother "My David," or "My David daddy," so we've wondered. Anyhow I should get to a point huh? Except for deploying he has had regular visitation with her and whatnot is it right for this to be happening? I don't think it is...Now I'm not saying there aren't fathers out there who don't deserve to be called daddy, or who aren't involved, but there are very few situations where I think it's okay for a child to call someone else Daddy. It's confusing to the child, hurtful to her father, and maybe now I'm reaching/overreacting but if it's okay to call him Daddy who am I to her? And my mother?

Answer Question
 
LoveBuggsMommie

Asked by LoveBuggsMommie at 8:58 PM on Apr. 5, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 17 (3,581 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • You would be aunt whoever and your mom would be granny, grandma, whoever...i dont know insert grandmother name. I understand that this bothers you, but i really think it should be between the ex and your brother.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 9:02 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • i think is he kinda in the daddy role and other parent know knowing may say look there you daddy , i'm a step mum and my step kids call me mum ok its lot more complicated for my case i personal think as long as she still see your brother as daddy that its really no hard i can see why it would upset you kids expect having to people with the same name very easy it dose not take away from who they are to them and your mum still granny and your still auntie


     

    feralkitten

    Answer by feralkitten at 9:03 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • how ever it a dif story if she trying to teach the child that her new man daddy and your brother is not
    feralkitten

    Answer by feralkitten at 9:04 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • i understand it should be between them, but he's in Afghanistan so what's he supposed to do? his ex is great at telling him he's a horrible father, to the point her mom calls him to tell him he's never "manned up" and never been a dad etc.
    LoveBuggsMommie

    Comment by LoveBuggsMommie (original poster) at 9:05 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • If the boyfriend has been in the child's life for at least 2 years then I would consider him like a step father and I would think dad would be appropriate. Now, had he only been in the picture for 2 weeks or she had a different "daddy" every few months, I could understand not wanting that but the truth is, the boyfriend is like a second dad to her.

    JeremysMom

    Answer by JeremysMom at 9:11 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • I guess you can correct her, but my niece has been calling me mommy, aunt mommy, or mom since she learned to talk. She knows my name, but she's always insisted on calling me some form of mommy. Now she just does it when her mommy isn't around.
    I'm not sure what to tell you with this one.
    But I've seen a lot of kids call the grown up women they are around mommy or the older guys daddy. it doesn't always mean that much.
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 9:11 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • maybe rather than try to stop her it would be better to show her photos of daddy a lot and tell her where he is ect ect so she rembers she got 2 daddy when she older she understnad bith dad and step dad more
    feralkitten

    Answer by feralkitten at 9:19 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • It should be between them, but I understand that there's not really anything he can do so far away..it does need to be stopped, and should have been addressed when it initially started...at 4 she's somewhat old enough to comprehend that the boyfriend is not her dad. We went through this a few years back, an it was a battle..my sd called dh by his first name, and the moms then bf daddy. She understands, now, that the bf was not her dad nor is the moms new dh, but has just as much love for him as she does her actual dad. I don't think it's necessarily your place to say anything, but maybe you could casually bring it up to the mom that your brother feels (if he does indeed feel this way) she doesn't need to call the bf daddy, that she only needs to know him as daddy and the other guy as whatever his name is...yes, she'll fight it the whole way, but the little girl needs to know that she has one father, and one "co-parent"
    mom_to_kenzie

    Answer by mom_to_kenzie at 9:22 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • (the moms bf)..if it's just a misunderstanding, it can def be cleared up bc the little girl doesnt really know any better..and I hope that's all this is, rather than a situation like ours, where the non was pushing sd to call the then bf daddy..best of luck!
    mom_to_kenzie

    Answer by mom_to_kenzie at 9:24 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • so apparently i am in the social minority, which is what i was wondering. like i said before i don't always think it's wrong, but this started too early (IMHO) in the mother and "daddy #2" relationship. Also I think I find it wrong because I know how hard the mother has worked to alienate my niece from her brith father.
    LoveBuggsMommie

    Comment by LoveBuggsMommie (original poster) at 9:25 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

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