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Favoritism Towards Parents

My daughter is four weeks old, Sunday November 30, and she's becoming difficult for me to handle. Not that she's excessively fussy, but she won't respond to my husband. He tries to take over so that I can get some rest and she throws a fit nearly the entire time. I end up having to cut my sleep short so that I can take care of her because my husband is easily frustrated these days. Its entirely obvious that she favors me as whenever I hand her over she starts to fuss when I walk away and when I take her she instantly calms down. I don't understand why she's so unresponsive and its really frustrating for us both. I'm not getting enough rest and he feels like he's not a good father. Is there a reason behind why she's acting this way and what can I do to fix it?

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Asked by DellaF88 at 11:08 PM on Nov. 29, 2008 in General Parenting

Level 2 (9 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • When your husband takes over, have him throw a used t-shirt of yours over the front of him where the baby will be. It might help calm her if she can still smell mommy. Good luck!

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 11:12 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • No advise, but just a supportive been there! My ds would NEVER even take a bottle for his father and screamed horribly when ever he held him weather I was right next to him or not even home. After a few months we realized that there was no way I could leave the house with out him and just did not do it, every feeding was me b/c he refused to take a bottle no matter how hungry he was. It was extremely tiring so I feel your exhaustion! Can you nap when your dd does?

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 11:19 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • I usually try to nap with the baby, but she doesn't seem to really nap very long unless she's lying on her tummy on my chest. Seems to be her favorite place to take a snooze.

    Answer by DellaF88 at 11:30 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • She is a baby and wants her momma. SHe's not acting anyway, intentionally. She's only 4 weeks old. Welcome to mother hood. Wait till she's a teenager, then you can say she's difficult to handle. lol

    Answer by Alma_C at 11:50 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • When your husbnd takes her is he sure of himself. Babies read emotion quickly and easily. If he is at all nervous or apprhensive about taking her that could be part of her issue. Dad need to take her as often as he is around. She will likely be bonded better to the parents who takes care of her the majority of the time. As he holds, feeds, changes and cuddles her his confidence will grow as will her comfort level.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 12:10 AM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • At first my husband was very confident in his skills. He has a five year old son from a previous marriage who he did most of the caring for. So he's really taking it hard that she doesn't seem to want him. He thought he'd have a daddy's girl and its not turning out to be that way. But he is gone a good portion of the time at work.

    Answer by DellaF88 at 12:18 AM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • There could be many reasons for this. None of them have anything to do with your husband's parenting skills. And congrats on the new baby. It could be that your child is attatched to you because instinctually she is knows you are her life line. If you breast feed you provide her with the food that allows her stomach to be full and for her brain and body to develope healthy and strong. Just one theory. Another is that she lived inside of you for all those months, since the beginning of her universe, you were the center for her. She knows your smells, your sound, your daily rythem, and your likes and dislikes. Your daughter may just know you inside and out. Who can say that (except for maybe your obgyn).

    Answer by frogdawg at 12:30 AM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • cont..So that could be another reason. Also there are ton of others including children pick up on anxiety and nervousness to feeling over stimulated by certain people. The list goes on and on. She won't be this way a year from now or even seven months from now. My son is two and he tends to "favor" one parent at a time. Right now it is me but it was my husband for the longest time. He also prefers to have just one of us and he often thinks it is a game to love on one and not the other. I dout your child is playing games right now. But relax, enjoy her, and my suggestion is let her fuss it out with dad. She will develop that same trust and calmness with him but it may take time, like I said she's known you very well since her universe began.

    Answer by frogdawg at 12:34 AM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • Put your shirt (that smells like you, maybe what you slept in the previous night) on your husband to help, but honestly, if you need to take a shower or get some sleep, he and she are going to have to hack it out.

    Answer by TXdanielly at 12:54 AM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • I agree with GrnEyedGrandma. If your husband only takes her when your tired and you care for her all the time...she will naturally be more attached to you because you are the care giver and she trusts the person that cares for her the most. Keep dad involved on a daily basis. I feed and my husband almost always changes my son and gives him a nightly bath and massage at night. Since I am his food source he preferred me but lately he has grown quite fonder of his daddy and we have both noticed it. My husband felt the same way...that Maddox didn't like him...but now he's super excited that he has come around. Tell him to hang in there and stay involved!

    Answer by britni11 at 1:01 AM on Nov. 30, 2008

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