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What do you do when you realize

that the man you dedicated the last 10 years of your life to and whose children you gave birth to has not turned out to be the man you thought he would be and probably won't be happy if you dedicate the rest of your life to him but at the same time you can't imagine life without him, don't want life without him, and sometimes, even if it's not as often as it used to be, he still makes you happy? How do you learn to let go when nothing drastic has happened, you just realize it's not what you hoped it would be?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:11 PM on Apr. 5, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • WIthout knowing the whole story it's kinda hard to judge. Have you tried counselling? Marriage is hard work sometimes, it has it's ups and downs and phases and stages....

    Maybe with some effort from you both you can overcome these feelings and make things work again?
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 10:14 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • Let go with the realization that there is more to life than to be unhappy with someone. I was with someone just as long and it was not good at all. I finanlly left and its the best thing I could have done for my child and myself. I am still young and being with him kept me from living my life and breathing and I have that now and enjoying life the way it should be enjoyed.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:16 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • you know I was feeling the same way about my fiance and to tell you the truth we just got lost. There was a lot of stress and emotional baggage and stuff that I didnt realize was there but we worked it out and found our way back. I think if you realize that you dont want to be without him but your not happy thats when you have to take a time out and reconnect. Lots of luck!
    SabrenaLeigh

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 10:18 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • You don't have to let go, just adjust
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:29 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • You said that you don't want life without him and he sometimes still makes you happy. Are you working to make him happy? Sometimes when we stop looking at what we want and start fulfilling our spouse's needs, in return, we get what we give!! Don't give up. Marriage is hard. But everything that is good in life is hard. Especially with kids! DON'T GIVE UP.
    cdecker83

    Answer by cdecker83 at 10:33 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • Life, in general, doesn't always turn out the way any of us expect it to. And, most of us choose to not quit life. We all get into a rut at times & wonder where we are & how to make a change. When life seems to be the same ol' same, it's time to make a change. Put some life back into your life & your marriage. Do you get all prettied up when it's time for him to get home from work? Do you do regular date nights? We all change throughout our lives. It's just a matter of whether or not you decide to change together. Sometimes we have to take the scenic route to the grocery store so it won't be so hum-drum. But, we still go grocery shopping. As for DH...did you marry him for the man you "thought" he would be? Or did you marry him for the man you fell in love with and vowed to love till death do you part?
    specialwingz

    Answer by specialwingz at 10:39 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • I think that some of the "visions" are just a little off from reality. For example, when I became a mom, I would have never imagined how frustrated I would get with it sometimes...I imagined hours of gazing into my babies loving eyes, cuddling my toddlers, field trips, etc...not hair pulling "she took my doll", "I want a new mommy", forcing vegetables, routine dinner, bath, bed...it just isn't what I pictured. That doesn't mean I'm not happy. It just isn't always as charming as I imagined.

    If there is love there, and you have something stable that you can count on...a good family for your children...etc, but it has just lost the spark, I would say to try to work on bringing some of that spark back or finding happiness in what you have. Chances are, things will get a little "stale" or not be everything you thought it would be no matter who you are with after time goes by. You have given vows and 10 years to this man already.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 10:44 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • why learn to let go? why not learn to make it better?
    ElenaC419

    Answer by ElenaC419 at 10:48 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • I think if you still care for him but are just disappointed in who he is, then maybe you need some counseling. Or maybe you need to go on a date with him and just talk it out. Tell him you're struggling to feel happy in your marriage and see what he has to say. You'll know if it's worth staying with him if he wises up and realizes he doesn't want to be without you either. He might just decide he'll do anything to keep you. If not, then I think you know what to do. If he isn't willing to work things out or make any kind of effort and listen to your feelings... you know.
    ACL2007

    Answer by ACL2007 at 10:48 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • the power of a praying wife
    graceblessedmom

    Answer by graceblessedmom at 11:02 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

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