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"youre not the one that stays home with them all day"

my mom watches my twins while I go to my classes in the morning. this is my last quarter of community college and then I will transfer to a university int o a teaching program.
I SHOULD get WCCC once I am in the program. but until then, I don't get enough hours at work to qualify.
she has OFFERED to watch them. we have conversations where she gets very nice and generous and says oh noo its okay i will jus twatch them do what you have to.
so I leave for school at 730 and I get back at either 1130 or 1230 depending on the day because somedays I dont have to go to my last class.

she is constantly throwing this in my face, that I'm never home and shes "stuck here" and all this shit.
its like the only option I have is to not go to fricken school and then where am i? 20,000 dollars in debt and I won't even graduate with my AA??

its so hard to juggle school and the boys and trying to work, and then she shoves all this in my face like idk what the hell else i should be doing. when i flat out ask her, what should i be doing if im doing this wrong she says stupid shit like "not be a bitch to me" or other non helpful things.

its not like i sit around doing nothing in the house and then go hang out with my friends.
its not like she spends her own money to feed and clothe my children. the only thin gi'm not doing is paying rent, which if i could i sure wouldn't be living here.

i dont know how to deal with stuff like this. i'm not saying we never argue where it is MY fault, of course there are things i do or dont do that she gets on me about and i deserve it, i'm not an angel

there just these times where she says these things and it really brings me down and i feel like n oone is supporting me emotionally. yes she watches my kids yes she lets us live here but does she like me? does she want me to be independent? does she want me to live on my own and provide for my children? im like 95% sure she doesn't think I could take care of my kids if i lved on my own. and thats mostly because she has flat out told me "I DONT KNOW HOW YOU WOULD SURVIVE ON YOUR OWN."

I cant wait to move out i just wish I knew how or where to go or what to do.

thanks for reading my vent.

Answer Question
 
ElsaSalsaaa

Asked by ElsaSalsaaa at 12:17 AM on Apr. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Level 20 (9,139 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Tell her how you feel. Explain that you need and appreciate her help but feel like she doesn't appreciate that you're trying to do better for yourself and your kids. By the way five hours is not all day!
    Tkelly3

    Answer by Tkelly3 at 12:30 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • if i tell her that she gets mad and defensive and throws it in my face more. i've tried.
    ElsaSalsaaa

    Comment by ElsaSalsaaa (original poster) at 12:32 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • do you receive any state assitance (i.e. TANF, WIC, cal-works) my point being that if you are enrolled in one of these programs, they might pay your mother for watching the kids while you attend school. If not your mother, they might pay someone else of your choice. CAll around and ask. There may be some organizations that can help. If you are almost done with city college, continue regardless of your mothers complaints. but do take over as soon as you get home and do help with the chores without her asking. Good luck.
    alejandra559

    Answer by alejandra559 at 12:33 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Hang in there. I promise you it will get better.
    Danni143

    Answer by Danni143 at 12:35 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • It sounds like she's getting overwhelmed with watching the twins. If I were you, I would find another babysitter. It might be the best for the both of you.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:17 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Wow, I am in your SAME shoes. Mom and I used to be BFFs. Now we just argue that she watches the twins 2 afternoons per week. How old are your twins? Mine are hard to care for and can put one in a bad mood at times. I'd find another sitter if at all possible. Your mom is caught up in her role identity with you, she'll never back off unless you move out.
    MommyNeedsVodka

    Answer by MommyNeedsVodka at 2:33 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Maybe try to find an alternative sitter for half of the days you are working/@ school, so your mom gets a break and can do the stuff she thinks she needs to do without little ones in tow. I wish you luck!
    BisketLiss

    Answer by BisketLiss at 2:53 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • There is no advice I could offer and you seem to not have asked. Vent! It's so hard to be a mother in your mothers house. Sounds to me she is also venting. Suck it up and do what she wants you to do and that is to go to school. She doesn't think your not a good mom but she probably doesn't want you to think she is either. Hang on honey this will pass.

    rosetoes

    Answer by rosetoes at 4:39 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

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