Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

How do i get my boyfriend to stay home and help take care of our son?

My boyfriend of a year and 5 months likes to leave everyday and not help take care of our 5 month old son, we have a fight about this everyday, i always tell him he would rather hang out with his friend than take care of our son, he does not hold him very long either i will give our son to him he will hold him for not even a min. and hand him back to me or give him to someone else, he wont even get up in the middle of the night to feed him and he wakes up every 2 hours.

Answer Question

Asked by bricesmom91 at 12:35 AM on Apr. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • You need to set up a schedule with your bf that is fair to both of you. Does he work? Do you? The reason I ask, is because both a *job* and motherhood are exhausting (heck motherhood is a 24/7 job). If he does work full time, then he should be taking a *shift* when he gets home, and on his days off. Even if it's for just a hour or so. I would try to talk to him to see WHY he doesn't do it. Perhaps he's afraid? Not confident about looking after the baby? doesn't know what or how to do it? Start with say 15 minutes, and go lock yourself in the bathroom and tell him no interruptions and go have a nice long hot soak!!!


    Answer by mrsvixen at 12:39 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • no he dont work and i dont work, I have tried to relax in the bath but he just comes in and askes me if im almost done or if im done yet.

    Comment by bricesmom91 (original poster) at 12:44 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • It sounds to me like he isn't quite ready to take up the responsibility of being a father.

    Answer by allen.moriahd at 12:52 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • you really need to talk about it. i really understand how you feel. i just had a talk with my bf today about watching our 6 month old daughter. he watches her like 5min a day. lately he hasnt at all. up until 5 days ago he thought she slept threw the night. ha! i like to talk to him calmly and explain how i feel. i hear from him a ot how tired i look. so i threw that in our conversation to make him see my side. best of luck.

    Answer by minki111 at 1:02 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • well im sorry to hear ur problem but the fact is sum men just rnt dad material and mayb it will get better when hes not a baby and he can start to have man fun with him

    Answer by flipper4u21 at 1:25 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • he sounds not ready. If you fight him, or push him too hard he will start to resent the child, and ultimately make you argue more. If I were in your position, I would find a friend or family member to watch the baby, and stop asking him for help.

    Answer by stenhouse_baby at 4:21 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Okay. Imagine I tell you not to get up with him, not stay home all day with your baby, and only hold him for five minutes and give him right back to his father. Okay with that being said would you need me to tell you how bad of a mom you are??? No. So, my advice is to do what you do best and he will come around. Men are stimulated from the outside and women are from within. We are able to nurture and carry a child inside of us for 9 months. We get to counsel with other moms,breastfeed, bath, and decide  how other people in our world should treat our baby. It's true. He will catch up. Stop being angry and enjoy what comes natural to you. It takes most men a little longer, you'll see.


    Answer by rosetoes at 4:29 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I completely disagree with those who are advocating not saying anything here. This problem stems from the fact that the two of you have not discussed and agreed upon your expectations and responsibilities regarding the infant. In a non-threatening, non-judgemental fashion, sit down with your boyfriend and talk about the tasks associated with the baby, who will do what and when, and agree on things. Write it all down. That way, everyone knows what is expected of them, and everyone is on the same page. Then, stick to your guns regarding his participation. You don't ever need to nag or be rude, just be assertive about what he agreed to. Praise him for effort, too. If he's not willing to do this simple thing to make everyone's life smoother, it's unlikely that he will come around in any other way. Men do not improve in these situations unless they are afforded the chance to gain a sense of pride from their accomplishments.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 8:25 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Put your foot down and make it clear that he helped make this baby so he needs to become a man and help take care of him!!!

    Answer by monshine2 at 5:24 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.