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hubby overseas wants new baby!

so my husband is currently overseas and I guess all of his friends are talking about how they want to have kids or more when they get home. however we have 2 kids a 2 1/2 year old whos doctor says might have adhd but they dont test till age 5 and also a 9 month old . is it wrong for me to t hink its unfair that he wants more? when I am doing everything by myself and can barly handle it

 
soldierswife11

Asked by soldierswife11 at 12:26 AM on Nov. 30, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (9)
  • I think your feelings are justifiable. I have been raising three children while my husband has globe-trotted because of the military. It's not easy. Tell him that you would like to discuss it face to face when he gets home, that it's really not an issue right now.

    Well, either that, or tell him to pull his head outta his derriere because you have enough to do with an infant and a toddler. I wish you the best of luck!!!
    SkyeGirl

    Answer by SkyeGirl at 12:38 AM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • Since you are the one that would have to carry it and keep it, I'd say you have the upper hand in this decision. Hubby may want one, but...
    QueenAdeela

    Answer by QueenAdeela at 12:30 AM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • Some men over seas want you to get pregnant so the chances of you cheating will be less. You know being all pregnant is kinda like a big sign saying "NOT AVAILABLE" lol. I'm not trying to burst your bubble but some men do that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:30 AM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • No it's not unfair for you to feel that way, but I also don't think it's wrong of him. I'm sure he has alot of thoughts about "family" when he's away. However, he needs to know how you feel because it wouldn't be fair to you right now. He needs to understand your side of things because men really don't know all the things moms do during the day for their children.
    momofpurebliss

    Answer by momofpurebliss at 12:32 AM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • If you do not want another baby right now then you should be able to tell him that without it hurting his feelings. I am really sorry that its tough on you to raise your babies by yourself, but he needs to respect that as well. I know the situation is a bit different, but I have two babies with my husband and he is a EMT/Firefighter who is gone alot. I do everything for our children, the house, the bills, groceries, ect. I know it can be overwhelming and you seen to have a pretty full plate already. Good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:46 AM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • How often is he deployed? Would it be reasonable to say something like "the first 4 (or pick a number) months you're back (everytime he comes back) we won't talk about adding on to our family, we'll just enjoy that we're back together and invest in our family as it is" that way there is some readjusting time where life changing decisions aren't being made after a long seperation. You can add in other things you aren't going to discuss like if he didn't enjoy being away you won't discuss getting out of your job, moving... I can't think of what else, but anything big, so that it doesn't look like it's just for getting him off the baby trail. It might work! Oh, and I have 3 little one's while hubby is overseas as well for a while :)
    JenRockwell

    Answer by JenRockwell at 2:06 AM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • To the first anon poster: My SO has a good friend in the army, he says that men over in Iraq are always finding out their spouses/girlfriends have cheated on them. I guess the guys over there think by keeping their wives constantly pregnant, and busy with children that will lessen the likelihood of an affair. ??? I don't know, this is just what our friend told us one night after dinner. We actually had a long discussion about it.

    I don't know if this is what is going on with the poster's husband, but it's your body, if you don't want a baby... don't have one. Or wait until he is back home, so you'll have a little more help.
    OOHPFG

    Answer by OOHPFG at 3:25 AM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • Many men want more children when they are away because it represents security. They are afraid a wife will leave them so want to secure the family by increasing it. Let him say what he wants to say and just tell him that you two can discuss it more when he comes home. By that time he'll settle down and get away from those who are making him think having more children is the way to bond a family forever. Assure him that he and the two children you have are more than enough to keep the family close and together forever and ever if that is what he wants. Personally, I think it's more fear (of losing his family ) talking more than he wants more children.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:28 AM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • My husband also wanted another child while he was deployed. Turns out he just missed us and when he got back and saw how chaotic it got with just two of them he changed his mind.
    little.miss.mom

    Answer by little.miss.mom at 12:28 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

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