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2 Bumps

I Need Your Opinion To Shut My Sister Up!

My step sister and I have gotten into a little debate and I need some help settling it. She was abused by her mother when she was growing up, which is why my stepfather divorced her and is still scarred from her expirence so, when she was over at my house yesterday she freaked when my two year old began to pitch a temper tantrum and I popped her on the bottom. She started fussing about how I was encouraging violence and spanking lead to abuse. I told her that lack of disapline was abuse. We argued about it for a couple of hours.

I love her children dearly but her method of disipline is weak, which is why her children don't listen and are disrespectful and walk all over their parents. I pointed out to her that my child has better manners at two then her children have at the ages of eight and twelve. I don't always spank to disapline my child, in fact I rarely spank her, but sometime that's the only thing I have to do. I'm a kindergarden teacher and I've been babysitting since I was eleven and I've seen what happens when children are not disaplined. When I was a child, if I talked back to a teacher then I got by ass whipped, but even in collage I saw students that talked back, cussed, and were down right rude to their teachers and I can't stand it.

I want my child to learn that there are rewards for good behavior and consequences for bad behavior and, for the most part, she is pretty well behaved for a toddler. My mother was strict with us but her mother was too strict. She doesn't think that you can disapline a child without being abusive.

I was watching her children one time and I told her eight year old son to pick up his toys before lunch time and he told me to shut the hell up so I spanked his butt. I pointed this out to her along with the fact that, since then, he has hastened to obey when I have told him to do something and has been extra polite since. She pitched a fit and I told her that I wasn't going to watch her children if she wasn't going to make them behave and I'm not allowed to disapline them.

This is something we argue about constantly and I wanted to know what CM thinks. Let's see if we can settle this arguement.

Answer Question
 
Razzle_Dazzle1

Asked by Razzle_Dazzle1 at 4:45 AM on Apr. 6, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 18 (5,775 Credits)
Answers (33)
  • i would never allow someone else to spank my children, yes i spank my kids but its my job to do it, no matter what.. never would i allow someone else lay a hand on my kids family or not!
    3HappylKidds

    Answer by 3HappylKidds at 4:49 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I was abused as a child myself. I also spanked my kids when they were younger - however, I did not every do it out of anger, it was always a very clearly defined and known in advance punishment that wasn't used for everything they did wrong. I also would not allow other people to spank them. (Well, there were a couple of exceptions to this - like when my kids went with my inlaws for a week to visit my dh's grandma...)

    I agree with you - there's a difference between abuse and properly administered discipline, and that there are many forms of abuse and mistreatment. Not disciplining your kids (whether you spank or not) is also harmful and can cause a lot of issues for them in life, just as abuse can.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 4:59 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • ypu never lay your hands on another persons children. sounds like she needs counseling she remembers what her mom did to her and shes afraid of repeating the cycle. you need to be understanding dont watch her kids if you dont want to. spanking doesnt always works and it teaches kids to hit. maybe timeouts and talking to kids when they misbehave. watch supernanny she showa ways to disapline without spanking.
    stressedoutgran

    Answer by stressedoutgran at 5:21 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I've only ever spanked a child who's parents gave me permission. NO ONE is allowed to spank my kids unless they have my permission. I DO NOT think spanking is abusive, if all it is is a swat. Now the way two of my friends were spanked was abuse, their father BEAT them. He made sure he left marks.
    Jenniy

    Answer by Jenniy at 5:28 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I never spanked either of my kids, and both of them are respectful and they listen to me! However, my mother did it to me when I was younger, and I disrespected her for it and swore I'd never do it to my kids. There are rewards for good behavior and consequencesfor bad but laying a hand on someone is called" abuse!" What are kids gonna do when they don't like what another kid does, they're gonna hit cause that's what they see they're parents do, when they don't like something they've done!  I'm just stating the fact that it" does" work, not spanking !' Violence" teaches just that, more  violence!

    anichols1

    Answer by anichols1 at 5:50 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • It sounds like you're confusing two issues - spanking isn't the only available form of discipline. She's clearly upset about the abuse she's faced in her life and I'm sure that seeps it's way into many aspects of her parenting, not just discipline. However, assuming that discipline either has to be spanking or it's "soft" is plain incorrect. I do not spank my kids and they are as well behaved as yours sound. It might be a little more work and take some extra time from the parent, but it is absolutely possible to provide structured discipline to a child without striking them.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 6:18 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Do your kids behave better or are they acting in fear? Hitting a child instills fear and teaches violence is exceptable. My kids are very respectful however, they don't fear me. You're under the illusion as many people are that spanking is necessary however, have you tried reasoning with your kids and teaching them? You can administer discipline without hitting them ever simply by time outs and rewards the way most parents do.
    If you ever hit my child I would call the police. Youre lucky your sister loves you. Perhaps she isn't consistant so her kids don't tow the line as they should. Kids know if you're wishy washy they will get away with what they can. However, don't think for a moment that excuses your behavior. I am dissapointed you believe spanking is the only way. Pick up a few books on parenting. Honestly it works for all kids!! Be consistant, reward good behavior, reinforce learning and they get it without fear..
    chgomom

    Answer by chgomom at 6:18 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I will also add that I think you were completely out of line to hit your nephew when you understood your sister's wishes. It doesn't matter if you are right or not, you do NOT undermine another parent. You understood how she felt and you spanked her son in order to prove a point. Using a child like that is manipulative and hurtful. To come here and ask for moral support about it indicates to me that you don't recognize how wrong that was.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 6:22 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Spanking is a personal choice and we believe in spanking as last resort. When my son has a meltdown and throws a fit we don't spank him for it that to me is not at the last resort issue. I don't spank other children that is they're parents job. spanking and abusing a child is 2 different things.
    momavanessa

    Answer by momavanessa at 6:58 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I think you were 100% out of line. I do not spank my children and was never spanked as a child either. I believe exactly as your sister does. It can lead to abuse. 100 years ago it was perfectly fine for men to hit their spouses as well to teach them how to behave, and I believe in 100 years we will look back and see how hitting anyone to teach them something is wrong.
    If anyone ever spanked my child knowing I did not spank they would not babysit anymore, and more so, they would probably have me calling cps on them for hitting my child.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 7:57 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

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