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How do I get my 19 year old to reach out to me?

I have three sons; 22, 19 and 9. A few years ago, I divorced and was a single parent to the youngest two sons. My middle son was 16 at the time. He was smoking weed and stuff started disappearing from my house; 35mm cameras, jewelry and other things. My house was constantly vandalized, by his friends and him. I warned him that he'd get punished for continuing that behavior. I came home one day and it smelled like he'd burned a whole dang TREE of marijuana in my house and I had him pack his stuff up and kicked him to his dad's house. I told him that I loved him, but that if he didn't want to follow my rules, this was the consequences. I had another son at home that didn't need that kind of example. I haven't seen or heard from him since then...it's been almost three years. He lives only half a mile away and stays in contact with his dad. (Dad didn't make him finish school, so he has no diploma.) He does have two jobs, but still smokes. I miss my son and so does his brother. I call his dad all the time to ask about my son, but still no word from him.

 
Droyal14u

Asked by Droyal14u at 5:31 AM on Apr. 6, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 14 (1,793 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (3)
  • I think you did the right thing, like you said, you couldn't have your other kids around that! I believe there will be a day when you see him again and you will build a relationship. He is probably mad at the choice you made but as he matures, he will see you did what you had to and he was in the wrong.Don't beet yourself up about it, you did what you had to at the time! I'm sure you miss him and i think he feels the same way.

    anichols1

    Answer by anichols1 at 6:23 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • You did the right thing in theory, except you should have reached out before this and tried to maintain some semblance of a relationship with your son even if he made poor choices. Obviously the fact his dad did not push him to finish school shows he did not have proper guidance when you kicked him out. He could be bitter because 1. You kicked him out and he thinks you tried nothing to be his mom after, and 2. He knows he didnt have a good parental example once you threw him out.
    I would try and send him a letter, and explain why you felt you had to do what you did, and maybe he will contact you.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 7:44 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Just love him and do the best you can for him by giving him space and staying away from him unless he needs you, and not to bail him out of jail or anything think like that, appropriate need is absolutely necessary. He is an individual and he will have to take responsibility for his own actions in life. All you can do it love him. Love will conquer all in the end, it's just hard sometimes.
    Mrsorr

    Answer by Mrsorr at 8:05 AM on Apr. 6, 2011