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How can i help my pregnant friend?

so my friend is 19 and almost 12 weeks pregnant. she didn't plan the pregnancy but as soon as she found out, she decided she was going to keep the baby. she's been buying little things here and there until she finds out the sex of the baby. she's seemed pretty excited for the most part. she lives with her mother, her sister and nephew, her brother, and the father of the child. all of them treat her terribly. she's had problems with them before her pregnancy and it's only getting worse. her mother kicks her out every other day but then keeps her around because she wants her money. her brother pushed her down knowing she was pregnant, her boyfriend uses her for her money and is always in and out of jail. she "breaks up" with him on a daily basis and always says that he has to go live somewhere else. she'll keep saying that he's still leaving but then she acts like everything is fine and i can tell that she isn't really planning on getting rid of him. last week he told her he doesn't want anything to do with her or the baby but i guess she got over it because after that she was talking about him like nothing was wrong and buying him dinner. her sister and her have been getting in physical fights for years and got in one tonight in which she got hit in the stomach. she didn't want to go to the hospital because she started the fight and believes she could be arrested when they ask how she got hit in the stomach. her boyfriend, mother, and brother did nothing. they also didn't do anything when her brother pushed her down. she's called the police many times but they never do anything. everyone but the sister does drugs. she called me after the fight and said that she no longer wanted the baby, that she wanted to give it up for adoption. i tried to give her a reality check but she wouldn't listen. then i told her that she should consider abortion considering her child could end up in the foster system where it could be sexually, physically, and mentally abused. i don't really think she should have an abortion, as i am against them, i was trying to hit her with the hard reality of the foster system flaw. she said "f***k you", hung up then sent me a text saying "well youre worse than i am because you want to kill it" i reminded her that i kept my baby and have been a single mom since i was 15. i told her she wasn't going to speak to me like she did everyone else, that she could find someone else to do everything for her. she apologized but i'm extremely tired of her taking her anger out on me. i feel like the only reason she did apologize is because i'm the only person who does things for her. i take her back and forth to work and to other places she needs to go. i let her live with me when her mom kicked her out last time. she and i were not speaking last year for months because i stood up to her boyfriend for treating her badly. every time i point out how awful he is, she'll agree with me for a while then fight to defend her. i'm to the point that i really don't know what to do to help her. if you spoke to her, you would think she's the sort of person that doesn't take crap from anyone. she fights with all the people in her house but then everything's fine later. i'm tired of standing up for her and then being treated like s**t for it. she's so stressed out that she's going to miscarry if one of the people in the house don't kill it first. i don't know what to do for the girl anymore.

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TiffanieK

Asked by TiffanieK at 6:28 AM on Apr. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,325 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • ugh. I'm sorry but your friend sounds like a trashy woman. Honestly, I'd break contact. She is the one that needs to help herself. You getting involved is only going to harm you mentally and possibly financially if you take her in again. She's the one causing her problems if she is willing to put up with her family fights, the boyfriend, etc...

    You can't help a person who isn't willing to help themselves.
    SalemWitchChild

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 6:33 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • she's really not. she's the only one in her house hold that has a job. she gives me gas money anytime i take her somewhere. she isn't into drugs or drinking, she doesn't sleep around. she's got a temper but all together she isn't a bad person. those people are driving her crazy. she realizes it, but does nothing about it except constantly fights with them.
    TiffanieK

    Comment by TiffanieK (original poster) at 6:47 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • It sounds like she's in a bad suituation but doesn't even realise it. Sounds like you've tried talking sense to her but she won't listen, you just have to be patient, and tell her that there is more to life than being pushed around by the people you should trust the most. Ask her straight: ARE YOU HAPPY? If she still doesn't see sense you just have to continue to be a good friend and be prepared to be there for her when she does finally see sense, if she walks away she's only left with you & her unborn baby.
    kylie_bob

    Answer by kylie_bob at 7:00 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Never give up on her. Let her know that you are there for her no matter what. Remind her daily that she is a wonderful friend and will make a wonderful mother, only if she gets help professionally for herself and the baby's sake. Look up agencies and numbers to direct her where to go for help. Supply her with the information and then "let the ball be in her court." You have to practice "tough love" with her just like she's your sister. I'm doing this now with my own daughter, entirely different situation, and is not pregnant. It isn't easy, but you've tried everything else. Just keep an open mind and an open house for her and let her know you love her and want the best for her and her baby.
    rosiemendo

    Answer by rosiemendo at 8:04 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • if she has a job why don't you suggest she move out of that environment. otherwise her staying there isn't helping and obviously she likes it there. tell her to stop complaining about her family and boyfriend to you if she continues to live there and accept their abuse and for her sister to punch her and brother to throw her down, what the hell is wrong with them and that family.
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 11:38 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

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