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6 Bumps

Visitation issues adult content

I am the mother of a four year old little boy. His father has literally put me through hell and back since our son has been born, taking me to court all the time. Right now we are currently in a situation where my son came back from visitation and told me and my husband that his father beats him and hits him in the head, so being a good responsible parent I called dcyf to have it looked into. I had to file in court and serve him telling him that I was having dcyf look into it.

The day he got served he filed a restraining order on me and lied to obtain it, saying I called him and threatened his life, which never occured, I brought phone records and email conversations, he showed up with nothing. There were no calls made to him. I don't even have a number to reach him at! He files restraining orders on me every year. Also he lies to the court trying to get me in contempt saying I don't let him see our son.

Which is a lie, I have a log book kept for all the days he misses, he never calls to confirm the visitation, when previously the judge told him that he had to give me 24 hr notice if he is showing up or not, because he is never consistant with his visitation. Now that there is a restraining order, the original drop off was 60 minutes away each way and the judge issued me to drop him off, but I did get the motion changed to dropping him off in my hometown.

Due to the fact that I have no car and no license. I am unable to operate a vehicle do to a medical disability, the judge granted the change, that they have to come up here, now my sons fathers mother is texting me and harrassing me telling me they are the ones to always come up here so now its my turn.

I feel like they don't really care about my son because if they cared they would show up and not treat the matter like its a game, she orders and makes demands saying that pauls the one who has to come get him because shes not willing to drive up here, and that someone in my family has to drop him off, at the drop off location, none of my family members want to get involved because in the past him and his mother lie and file false statements saying that my family threatens them which they don't so none of my family want to get involved or drop him off ( they shouldn't have to be subjected to their lies).

Also I told her I will be not communicating with her anymore or answering her texts because she harrasses so my husband has offered to be the 3rd communicator on my behalf, because he hates to see me disrespected by them, and she said if he tries to contact her she will get the police involved. Which is pathetic.

I really don't know what to do anymore, because it has gotten so out of hand.

Answer Question
 
ashleypalomba

Asked by ashleypalomba at 9:21 AM on Apr. 6, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 6 (115 Credits)
Answers (24)
  • Well, I think you guys should be required to meet 1/2 way, or dad picks him up for his visitation and you should have to go get him when its time to come back home. I understand you cannot drive, its too bad your family feels that giving you a ride is getting involved when its not. They only become involved because they chose to communicate with him. I know that sounds harsh. The restraining order is probably a good thing b/c it prevents him from harrasing you too, it doesnt matter who files it, neither party can contact the other, maybe you can even get the g'ma put on it as well for your sake.
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 9:58 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • You just follow the court order and stop talking to her. You didnt have a child with her, did you? If she keeps contacting you and harassing you call the police and get a report so when you go back to court (and you know you will) you have all the paperwork showing once again, he is not following the order and his mom is harassing you.
    I have an ex like yours so I feel your pain. Mine lied all the time, and I had his mistress (now his latest ex) do things like your exs mom is. Dont change what is in the court order. Go off it. If he doesnt like picking his child up then too bad.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:08 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • yesmaam I shouldn't have to be required to meet half way, my family all has jobs and don't get out of work late. My husband works 80 hrs a week supporting me and my son. His family doesn't work and my sons father works 10 hours a week, so it would be better for him to make the trip. It's not my fault he decided to move an hour away. And yes my family driving would get them involved my parents used to drive me to the meeting place last year, and then they filed papers on my parents saying they feel threatened and they lie. Me and my family don't feel safe being around them when they lie constantly. My family shouldn't have to put their lives on hold to drive me around just because my sons father decided to lie to obtain a restraining order.
    ashleypalomba

    Comment by ashleypalomba (original poster) at 10:08 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Thank you gemgem. for your response. his mother texts me and demands I drive 60 minutes away back and fourth and the judge changed the order because I don't drive or have a license, and its not my family's job to drive me back and fourth because he lied to get a restraining order, he has filed false motions on my parents, I mean my family has a right to say they won't help. He's the one who lied to get a order so he should have to do all the transportation. Also I am 7 months pregnant, and cannot take trips back and fourth also I am not going to throw my new born son in the car and have my husband drive 60 minutes each way. He is out of the house from 7 am to 6pm at night working full time to support me and my son, because his father doesn't support him. He has him 5 hrs each tuesday and never shows up as it is.
    ashleypalomba

    Comment by ashleypalomba (original poster) at 10:13 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Just follow the court order and maybe change your phone number. I would see about getting sole custody as well.
    KateShesGreat3

    Answer by KateShesGreat3 at 10:27 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Youre 110% right not only is your family not responsible no judge in the world is going to volunteer anyone to do it either. When my ex and I first split up he moved in with his mistress and took our only vehicle. He wanted me to half the transportation with him, but the judge told him no. He had to provide 100% door step to door step transportation of our son. He had also moved more than an hour from where we lived together, so again his choice, not mine, not his sons.

    My family does not get involved in our custody situation anymore. My inlaws do the pick ups for me now bc my ex once showed up drunk and tried to hit me with his car. They had to be added to the court order bc my ex refused to exchange my son unless I was there lol. But normally, no, no one can be made to transport the child other than the parents.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:31 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Kate-she's not going to get sole custody. Never gonna happen. It sounds like dad is a responsible person, and if he's making this much of an effort to be in his son't life, that will definitely work in his favor. You both need to grow up and stop using your son as a pawn. Just follow the court order.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I was not trying to say you are wrong, I know how hard visitation situations are, i deal with it with my ex and my husband deals with it - and that's an out of state issue. But anyhow, I just think it sounds confrontational to say if you want the visitation you come get your son and drop him off. I think it keeps the peace better by going 50/50, and whether or not your child sees you and your ex fighting, he can sense the tension. If his father is that big of a deadbeat and sounds like can't pay much child support due to his work status maybe you should file for no custody and no visitation or supervised visitation only? GL and I hope you can peacefully resolve this.
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 10:43 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • get a court ordered third party person like a mediater thru the courts then u haveno contact with them at all
    flipper4u21

    Answer by flipper4u21 at 10:48 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Follow the court order. That's your safety net. It sounds like you've done everything right in documenting visits (and no shows), conversations and things that have happened. Continue to do so. Courts aren't blind to idiots who try to deceive. If things continue to escalate, you may want to ask that visits with his father are supervised. Good luck. You have 14 more years of this, so it's in your son's (and everyone else's) to find a peaceful resolution to this mess or he will be affected.
    wishbearmom

    Answer by wishbearmom at 10:49 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

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