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4 Bumps

The punches just keep coming...

A year ago I had a happy, single 21 year old son that I had a close relationship with.

Now, within this last year, he met a girl who was 24 and had already been married twice and has had 2 children ( but their dads were not either of her husbands) ... They moved quickly -- moved into together, got married, got pregnant, and now my son has adopted her 2 sons..

Don't get me wrong I LOVE my new grandsons and I am so excited to meet my granddaughter in a few weeks... but it is soo hard to even like my daughter in law.

Every day I have the boys - she will call me at work to see if I can get off early to pick them up, they stay with me almost everynight , and as soon as my son goes to work she will send them somewhere to be babysat. So if you count it up I technically have them more than she does !!! But puts on an act like I dont care for them if I tell I cant watch them one day ( like the other day when i had a stomach bug and couldnt watch them, she acted like I told her I hated them or something when all i said is that I couldnt watch the boys since I was sick and didnt want them to be sick )

Since this would be her 3rd babyshower in 3 years her family declined to throw her one so it was left up to me.... i spent over a $1000 on the party and the gifts I got her.... I was so happy because I thought I did such a good job -- my husband and I do not make alot of money but we were able to work over and save up just to make sure our grandaughter has everything she needs...

but today i get a text from my son saying she wants to know if I would be mad if she returned the things I bought so she could pick the things out to match the pack and play her mom got her ( she picked out everything online that i bought her !!!! The thing her mom bought her was a $30 thing that is brown and pink poka dots -- compared to the brown and pink flowers on the things that I bought) ..

UGGG this makes me sooo upset ... she constantly does this stuff..and i do not know how much longer I can handle it ~!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:18 PM on Apr. 6, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (17)
  • You just have to handle it. Being a mother in law doesnt mean always liking who our kids choose. We have to remember they are who THEY chose, not who WE chose. Also remember how you regarded your own mother in law. We dont always get along or see eye to eye on things with them. It is the nature of things.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 1:21 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • You are spoiling her. Put your foot DOWN now. Everything you said in your post should be said to her and your son like an intervention. Women like her will use you till your dry and always make you feel like you said or did something wrong. Good Luck!
    KoolMom617

    Answer by KoolMom617 at 1:21 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I would limit how much I did for her from now on. She sounds very spoiled & entitled.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:21 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I would tell him, yes, it would hurt my feelings. I took the time and money to pick that out for my granddaughter, which your wife picked out online, and now she wants to return it. But I know she will do it anyway...and leave it at that,
    BabyBugsmama

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 1:22 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • WOW. It is so hard to let our children grow up and learn isn't it? Love can be sooo blind...but it doesn't seem as if you are judging her for having multiple partners, only for her parenting skills. I would be upset too if she wanted to return things. Why should you have to get off work early to take care of the kids? I would let them both know....these are my hours, on this day and this day I can get the kids but other than that.....i have bills too. Keep being there for your son - listen and bite your tongue - let him know you support him no matter what.
    brypmom

    Answer by brypmom at 1:24 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • U know I realize this is ur son, an everything but ur a humanbeing an have alife too! Be forward with her an tell her u will take the kids on theses days and the other days she will have to make arrangements! I know this may make ur relationship w/ ur son a lil sour for a bit but he has to realize this isn't right as well! Just sit down with ur son an daughter inlaw an talk to them bout this an stick to ur guns.....
    heiditr

    Answer by heiditr at 1:24 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Talk to your son about your feelings. He can talk to his new wife about boundaries that are sorely needed between the two of you on the subject of child care and respect.

    thecoffeefairy

    Answer by thecoffeefairy at 1:28 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • it sounds like she needs a come-to-jesus moment, and you just may be the one Jesus wants to bring it. she sounds like a spoiled child, and your son isn't helping matters by choosing to let her continue. you have done plenty for her/for him...get to steppin', momma..and let them fend for themselves, i say.
    its high-time they grow up. i would not babysit another day..until she proved, really proved she appreciated me. she doesn't right now. she will hold the grandchild as bait, you can count on that. it will hurt, but you can not let her continue to do this to you. i bet no one's ever called her bluff, eh?
    i'd smack the crap outta her, too. (yes, this is a hormonal week for me.)
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 1:29 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Your DIL sounds like someone who will use and abuse you as long as you allow her to do so. Don't let her. She does not sound like a person who will ever appreciate what you do for her, but, will always be a user and want more.

    Why are her sons staying with you every night? Why is she not raising them? I must be missing something.

    $1,000 for a baby shower? Is that common now? That sounds over the top to me.

    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 1:30 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I know you love your grandkids but you need to tell him yes and let it go. She sounds like the kind of woman who would be vindictive and hateful.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 1:31 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

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