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One mothers quest for peace...

Okay, here is the deal...I married my husband, Kev almost 13 yrs ago and had 2 wonderful little men in my life when he and I met, Kev is the only father they have ever known...Lukas-3 and Jacob 2...We now have 4 kids, in all. Luke is almost 17, Jake is 15, Madi is 12 and Presli is 5. My problem has been a constant problem through our marriage. My husband and Luke have always had conflict! In the beginning I figured they would get over it...I knew they were jealous of my attention but I had high hopes that Kev would make it work and things would fall into place. I mean, he is the adult, right?? No... he isnt, and my son does not help matters. Now we have had some problems with Luke and so my mom took him to live with her. This works out pretty well, becuz me and my mom are like besties and we co-parent great together.(always on the same page)...But every time Luke comes to our home (which is his home, too) my husband gets attitude and we fight like cats and dogs! I think we are down to me having to choose...And when it comes to my son, there is no choice! Kev cusses at me. Makes me feel like I am wrong, and that I am supposed to choose him...So what am I supposed to do? He is my son...I will not turn my back on my kid! But no matter what I say or do, Kev picks fights everytime! I am tired and just want some peace...Any suggestions or support of any kind would be helpful...I am getting desperate...

Answer Question

Asked by momto4lilangels at 3:02 PM on Apr. 6, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 6 (122 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • whatever you do, dont ever choose a man over your child

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 3:05 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • not gonna...just so tired of the fighting! My son always comes first, and I am fighting for him.
    But how long do I continue to fight...I dont wanna be divorced, or leave my daughters withour their father...
    Just not sure how many options I really have...And in desperate need of some good advice!

    Comment by momto4lilangels (original poster) at 3:09 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • You need to sit down with that hubby of yours and spell it out for him, making you choose is not a fair thing to do for anyone involved. He must be made to understand the love of a mother for their child and should not be paired up with any other.

    Answer by older at 3:13 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Counseling. If you got counseling from the beginning, when you first realized there was an issue, they may have been able to have a positive relationship. Sounds like your hubby needs counseling for his behavior toward you as well. He should not be cussing at you. Anyway, it's worth a shot to salvage any sort of connection between DH and DD, and maybe minimize some conflict between you and DH.

    Answer by kenzie07 at 3:14 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I would put it to him just as plain as day..."don't take this to a place where I have to choose between you and one of my children...YOU WILL LOSE". Maybe hearing the truth,and that it is that cut and dry will shut him up. If not, put on your walking shoes. Back up your statement.

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 3:16 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I have sat down with him and had talks about how it hurts me that they dont get along, but nothing seems to change...I do think counseling would be benificial but hubby and I dont currently have INS, due to him losing his job. So that will have to wait! I do appreciate your help, tho!

    Comment by momto4lilangels (original poster) at 3:19 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I know that I can tell my DH somethin over-and-over, but he doesn't hear me. As soon as a friend says the exact same thing, it's like he's hearing it for the first time! Like the friend was some sort of visionary! My point is, that a counselor may bring some ideas to the table, and while DH and DD may not have ever listened to your ideas, they might be more open to "hear" and outsider. GL honey! I'm so sorry that this is happening to you! <3

    Answer by kenzie07 at 3:19 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Thanks so much! I will have to look into some counseling and see what I can come up with...Cuz its just getting unbearable!

    Comment by momto4lilangels (original poster) at 3:20 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Oh hey! Don't worry about insurance. There are free services available. Check your community listings. I know Catholic Charities used to offer free counseling services. I'm sure there are other resources out there. I hope this helps.

    Answer by kenzie07 at 3:21 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • It does! I will definately look into it! I am so far down, now...I would love someone to give me a hand and help us out of this misery! I dont know how happy hubby will be, but I guess if he chooses not to participate, I will hand him his walking papers...I dont know what else to do, anymore.

    Comment by momto4lilangels (original poster) at 3:23 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

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