Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Move or just stay here

So my spouse has deciede to build a house where he is from. It's about 150 miles away from where we live at now and where I grew up. I don't have a problem with moving away except I'll be leaving my family behind to start a life with our family. The problem I'm running into is that he keeps reminding me its his house not ours so I have no say so what's so ever in his building this house. Then he tells me that when we move he is goin back to school full-time and working part time to pay his bills and that I have to get a full time to pay my bills and pay daycare for our daughter. Now I cut my hours at work when my daughter was born so that I didn't have to pay daycare and I could work around his schedule because he didn't want me working. The thing that gets me about this whole moving part since it's his house does that mean he can just kick me out cause im just a visitor since it's his house. Why would I have to just pay for daycare to have someone else take care of my daughter. While he gets to better himself in school and me jus work

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:22 PM on Apr. 6, 2011 in Money & Work

Answers (10)
  • I wouldn't go anyplace without first discussing the issues. He is your husband...not your boss. The home would be both of yours, not just his. Stay put until this gets resolved.
    Renee3K

    Answer by Renee3K at 3:25 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I immediately have concern with the first line in your post

    "So my spouse has deciede to build a house where he is from"

    HE decided. Why was it not a mutual decision, and then again:

    "he tells me that when we move he is goin back to school full-time and working part time to pay his bills and that I have to get a full time to pay my bills and pay daycare for our daughter"

    Again HE is TELLING you. Sounds to me like you don't have much of a partnership in your marriage. It doesn't matter if he builds this house it's just as much yours. It is a marital asset and you have rights to it whether he likes it or not. I would say step up and start demanding your equality and voice in this marriage. Unless a male dominated marriage is what you were looking/prepared for
    kayslay

    Answer by kayslay at 3:29 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Is your state a community property state? If so I have one word for you..........................HALF
    ochsamom

    Answer by ochsamom at 3:34 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Stay
    shynu

    Answer by shynu at 3:43 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Sounds like something is not working in your marriage. If I were you I would having a major heart to heart.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 3:43 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Frankly his attitude would not sit well with me, and it would make me NOT want to move - as HE is acting like a dictator (telling you it is HIS house, and things will be HIS way), and he is not taking your feelings into consideration or giving you a say. A marriage is a partnership where both people make the decisions, not one person calling all the shots!
    I do think you need to sit him down and have a long talk with him about this.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 4:06 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • None of this makes any sense to me, because it doesn't sound like you are in a marriage. Even if you had fully discussed this together, it is incredibly unwise to build a house when you don't have a job. It is incredibly unwise to move when you don't have a job lined up. I'm not a believer in separate bills for a married couple: whose responsibility is it to pay for things that you BOTH use, like electricity, gas, city services, etc.? This entire situation is very alarming to me.
    evwsquared

    Answer by evwsquared at 4:52 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I just don't know what to say, but I am sorry that you would have to make a choice like this. I would definatly have a heart to heart, and go with your gut feeling on this. Your heart will let you down.
    hodgkinrus6

    Answer by hodgkinrus6 at 7:05 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • think about taking that step...
    smiley745

    Answer by smiley745 at 1:24 AM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • I would think about talking with someone--either a counselor or a lawyer--you are going to need some professional advice.
    jmpj8107

    Answer by jmpj8107 at 10:29 AM on Apr. 7, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN