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What is your stance on when it's appropriate for a step-parent to adopt their step-child?

should the decision be left up to the child when he/she is old enough to make it, or should the bio parent that is involved and the step-parent make the decision?

for example (in my case) my 4 year old only has my husband (not bio-dad) in her life and he's been around for her since she was an infant. we got married when she was 2 and had 2 kids together. her bio-dad saw her a handful of times before her 1st birthday, then nothing except for once last year. his choice. he does pay court-ordered child support.

anyway as soon as my husband and i married i wanted to go forth with the adoption process immediately and my husband was comfortable with it also. my ex doesn't care at all, he is constantly looking for ways to get out of paying child support and has even told me before he was to sign his rights over so he doesn't have to pay. he has moved on himself, got married and his wife is pregnant with his 2nd kid. so i guess it's too much for him to contribute anything to the child he knocked me up with 4 years ago.

well i started thinking that even though my husband is a wonderful husband and father (to all 3 of our kids), a great man, takes care of us and all that jazz, maybe i should leave the decision up to her when she's older. she has my maiden name as her last name, our other kids have my husband's last name. so someday she will wonder why that is.

im just curious how others feel about step-parent adoption?

 
tnm786

Asked by tnm786 at 3:51 PM on Apr. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • In this case, I would not hesitate. You don't get to grow up and then pick your parents.
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 3:55 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I think that you should go ahead with it, you can make it really special, and hopefully her birth father will still see her once in awhile,, you can tell her your so special you have 2 daddies, one who made you and one who picked you,, I think that doing so now will allieviate those teenage dramas of YOUR NOT MY FATHER!!!! Congrats to you for getting a good one this time? (It took me twice 2, LOL)
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 3:58 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • No you can adopt without their permission. There are just rules every state has about it. A judge has to decide on a TPR and to allow an adoption if it is contested.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 4:06 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • **with their 2nd kid.
    tnm786

    Comment by tnm786 (original poster) at 3:52 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I have no problem with it.
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 3:55 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • If the bio dad does not care then I dont see a problem. It is like putting a child up for adoption and if he is good with it, then do it. Most of the time I think it is only appropriate in extreme circumstances. If one parent walks out of the childs life and doesnt maintain any contact or pay child support in lets say 2-3 yrs then I would probably seek out the absent parent before seeking an adoption. Legally, in most states if someone has no contact and has not paid child support in one year you can petition for a tpr and adoption.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 3:58 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I'd do it. I think if the bio parent and step parent want it to happen, and the bio parent that would have to give up their rights agrees to it, then unless the kids are old enough to actually object to it, it should happen. If the kids are old enough to say, "no, I'd rather he/she didn't adopt me because...", then the kids should have a say.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 4:00 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I don't think you can adopt without the permission from the bio parent anyway.but if they were deceased it would be a good thing to do.I have been a stepmom for 15 years now.She was 4 when I married her dad.I have always thought of stepdaughter as my daughter too anyway.Ihave treated her the same as my bio kids from the begining.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 4:03 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • If Bio dad doesn't have any participation in the child's life of his own free will and is willing to sign his rights away because your DH wants to raise this child...Go for it!

    monshine2

    Answer by monshine2 at 4:11 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • If the Biological father isn't around then I see no reason to wait =]
    jspenny2705

    Answer by jspenny2705 at 6:55 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

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