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Need help with a decision

I don't want anyone to make this decision for me, maybe there is a POV that I haven't seen.

I am 24 and ever since I can remember my dad has always been really negative. He seemed happiest with me when I was involved with drugs and doing nothing with my life. But I have came a long way from then.
It seems like he's never proud of me, never happy for me. He talks down to me and talks crap to me. When I do something for myself to better me and my family he just puts me down. It always gets to me and days after I talk/see him(which is very rarely) I get a lil depressed.

I have told him how he is but he denies it and calls me a liar says I am over exaggerating and dramatic. I have been thinking of telling him he can stay out of my life if he's going to continue to be negative. I just haven't been able to bc he's my dad and I keep giving him all these chances, but no change.
I do gotta say that he's not ALL bad. He is my dad and I love him and I know he loves me. I just lost and idk what to do.

Answer Question
 
vjoaquin

Asked by vjoaquin at 4:02 PM on Apr. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,786 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • He may never be able to be the dad you need him to be.And after you accept that, you can give it to yourself in your heart.And you will feel better.It takes alot more than biology to be a daddy.I'd recommend counseling so you can give to yourself what he can't do.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 4:06 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I had to cut my Mom off. We called to tell her that our oldest daughter was born and heard her in the background tell someone that the next baby SHE is going to have to raise was just born.. she is in Oregon, we were in Texas. We were super excited and she wrecked the entire new baby happy to tell everyone glow we had. I haven't talked to her in almost a year now after her last drama spill. Our lives are so much better without her always making us feel guilty for doing the right thing.
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 4:06 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • If he continues to hurt you then put him out of your life. Dont take his verbal abuse. You have came along way to overcome your issues, you dont need anyone or anything to put you back down. Tell him you love him but cant have the hurtfulness in your life.
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 4:07 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • One of the nice things about being a grownup is that you don't have to believe everything your parents tell you.

    Is this something new with dad or has he always been this way? My own father was worst right after his open heart surgery. My mother was ready to leave him until he went on antidepressants. If there have been health issues, it's something to discuss with his doctor.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:07 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Ah, I missed that he's been this way as long as you can remember. You may need to cut the cancer out. And yes, dad is the cancer.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:08 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • i sounds like he is jealous of you or thinks that his harsh treatment will only make you stronger and a better person. he may find it hard to say he is proud of you and in his idea of support like i said is to be tough with you. if he is making your life unbearable you have to think of whats best for youself and your family. whenever my mother gets to me i have to cut her off short and avoid any negative subjects with her. if your not ready to cut him out of your life just learn to limit your contact with him and be able to recognize when you need to stop it short before his words cause any harm.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 4:10 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • gdiamante he has always been this way.

    evelynwest I have been wanting to go to counseling, but my insurance doesn't cover it and we don't have a lot of $$$

    vjoaquin

    Comment by vjoaquin (original poster) at 4:10 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Melody DH suggested my dad and I spent some time apart. But how much more time can we take? We talk once every 2-3 months see each other about 5 times a year
    vjoaquin

    Comment by vjoaquin (original poster) at 4:13 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • sounds like he is pretty toxic, and you can call your local mental health center, they have many counseling services that work on a income payment level basis,, I know you love him, but honestly perhaps you should take a break for 6 months and see how you feel,,I would bet a whole lot better! You also don't need your kiddos exposed to toxic people,, trust me they can pick up on it,, hugs!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 4:19 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • My husband talks to his mother maybe four times a year. He sees her once a year and regrets the one visit, every time. And she lives only 45 minutes away. But it's always all about her... she hardly even gave a damn that he's having surgery on Friday.

    He's much happier without his mom than with. It took him about 40 years to figure that out.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:30 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

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