Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Do you only want your children to play with kids that are around the same cognitive level as your children?

So I was visiting with my friend and neighbor. Her son is 4 months older than my son. She mentioned that she prefers her son to play with the other neighbor boy because she thinks he is the same cognitive level as her son is. And that she sometimes thinks that my son is smarter and that makes her uncomfortable.

I know my son is smart, but we would never not play with someone because they are at different levels in development.

Maybe I am just weird, but I think that you should have friends with different abilities.

Would it matter to you? BTW...the boys are 4/5.


Asked by SleepingBeautee at 4:45 PM on Apr. 6, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 45 (192,108 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Wow... that's a whole new level of crap! Seriously Kids are Kids. I don't see any difference between not wanting your kid to play with other kids simply because they are at a lower "cognitive level" and not wanting them to play with someone because of a learning disability, race, religion, etc... With an attitude like that she's teaching her child that he's "better than" or "not as good" than other boys simply because of their level of development. Please don't take this the wrong way, but I'm sure your son isn't any better than hers, and I'm sure her's isn't any better than any other kid. But her attitude is damaging, and if it doesn't change, it's going to hurt her son.

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 4:51 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • any age , as long as no teasing- bullying

    Answer by letstalk747 at 4:46 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • It sounds like its HER that is more uncomfortable with it - I know my son isn't up to speed as some kids his age, even at a young age and as a parent, I think personally its hardest on ME.. although I wouldn't make my son not play with anyone because of it but I do find myself thinking things probably similar to what she feels.

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:49 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I think that's a little odd. My 4 yr old is friends with some 5 yr olds and some 3 yr olds. Doesn't seem to make a difference in how they play together.

    Answer by Syphon at 4:47 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I don't care as long as they aren't swearing or being nasty.. Close to the same age, cool... 5+ years older, no thanks!

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 4:47 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • My son has played with an older gentleman (around 23yrs) with Autusm/MR, who is about the same cognitive level as my DS. They have actually developed, learning from each other for the past two years. The young man with Autusm/MR is non-verbal, so my son has learned ASL and a varied version of ASL from him. It doesn't bother me, except when the gentleman doesn't quite realize he's so much stronger than DS (now 3.5yrs old) and gets a little rough playing. But as long as they're supervised, I have no concerns. My son has a lot of friends around his age, whose mental development is on a wide range from one child to the next. As long as they play well....

    Answer by BisketLiss at 4:55 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Sounds like your friend has some issues. As long as the kids are playing nicely together and get along WHO CARES what their cognitive levels are.

    We recently got the Highly Capable/challenge/Gifted/whatever the PC of the week phrase is. My son scored really high on both the verbal and non-verbal portions. I don't care who he plays with, as long as they get along and enjoy being kids.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 4:57 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • No, as long as there are some kids at the same cognitive level as my kid for her to play with some of the time.

    Answer by SWasson at 5:05 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I agree with the above posters . . . that is sooooooo the mom's own issue!

    Siblings play together fabulously, and they are sometimes widely spread out.

    I bet the mom gets down on herslef because she wishes that her son did X better or Y better. SO, she can't stand to be around you and your son because she compares . . . . that is a really sad place to be in.

    Over here, we have playdates with kids from alot of different ages, and it is so fun!

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 5:08 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I'd prefer my kid to play with another child with better cognitive abilities (or worse)! Kids learn from each other and it also helps you, as a parent, understand how your child learns by those interactions! My only issue are other kids expecting my daughter to be up at their pace simply because she's their height thus resulting a 6 year old asking a 3 year old 'what's wrong with you? are you stupid?'. I wouldn't let it get to you.

    Answer by Cenchan at 5:22 PM on Apr. 6, 2011