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Why do I feel worse after the Counselor?

I thought Marriage counseling should help, I thought it would, but it seems like the issues me and Hubby have are so complex that we can't get to what the core is, I felt ok last week but today I left feeling like we will get nowhere!

 

There has been so many hurtful things said and done! UGH!!!!!!!!

Any thoughts?

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jenn2bowman

Asked by jenn2bowman at 7:26 PM on Apr. 6, 2011 in Relationships

Level 9 (303 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Do you see your husband trying? If not, would you feel better if he opened up more? Sometimes, one spouse may not have the same type of drive to fix the marriage then the other one.

    ALso, keep in mind that all therapists are different. It may be that you and your husband might benefit from a different approach then the one your current therapist uses,

    WHat does your husband sau about it?
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 7:33 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • The deep down truth and hurt have to come out before anything positive results. Are you given "homework" each week? Hopefully that will keep you moving forward. hug
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:33 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • We are given things to work on, last week it was no name calling and bringing up the past that lasted 2 days and then sun he flipped out and started in, I should say he is not living in the home with us, due to his extreme anger, I do have anger with him as well that I have not always kept under control, She just has us talk then said ok lets work on this, I just feel like he does not care enough to really make it work, I feel so bad all the time not sure how he will react about even the smallest thing, when I told him that he just blew it off and said if you think that and start crying I will walk out of here. She thinks he wants to be there but he always said its a waste of time and money!
    jenn2bowman

    Comment by jenn2bowman (original poster) at 7:44 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Have you ever vocalized that last sentence in therapy?
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 7:49 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I would think that it will not be long before he realizes this is a lot of work and either says OK he will put in the effort or he wants to stop. I hope he decides to put int he effort. In the end you will know you did all you could to save your marriage.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:53 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Yes I did today and she said he seems like he wants to be here.
    jenn2bowman

    Comment by jenn2bowman (original poster) at 7:53 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • I hope so this is my 2nd marriage, and I really am starting to believe all the times I have been told its me, I deserve everything that has been said and done, I am so tired of feeling not worth anyone's time and that I can not take care of my kids without him, but for some reason I guess I have heard it so much I believe it.

    jenn2bowman

    Comment by jenn2bowman (original poster) at 7:56 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Do you feel like your therapist has "sided" against you?
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 8:04 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Don't believe those things. You are a strong woman and can do it all on your own if you have to. Hard? yes. Possible? without a doubt
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 8:08 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • There are going to be some good sessions and some uncomfortable ones. My advice is to be open, say what you feel. It takes 2 to argue so it's not 'always' you. Give it your all and express your concerns to the counsellor about the sessions. Tell him/her that you feel bad; they'll help you through it.
    Dont beat yourself up, we all have things that we need to work on.
    Alexias30

    Answer by Alexias30 at 8:17 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

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