Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Why do a lot of step moms seem bitter that their husbands have to pay child support? adult content

I am not being hypocritical or saying that all step moms are like this, but I have ran into a few step moms that feel that way, so I am just looking for opinions on why some feel this way?

Answer Question
 
ashleypalomba

Asked by ashleypalomba at 8:32 AM on Apr. 7, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 6 (115 Credits)
Answers (35)
  • Maybe jealousy? I don't know but i agree with your observation!
    harris4

    Answer by harris4 at 8:34 AM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • IMO they think they are entitled to all of their Husbands income because he's not with the ex anymore. I also don't think these women think it through before they marry, and have children with these men. They don't realize that they had a family before them, and they do have to help out whether they have another family or not. I also agree it's a jealousy issue as well, but I don't think it's all Step Moms.... There are a lot of good Step Moms out there.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 8:38 AM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • Many wivessimply feel that their husbands are giving THEIR money to another woman instead of seeing it as supporting their children. I feel these women are very selfish and not stepmom material. I am married to a man who has 3 children from a prior marriage and I would have NO respect for him if he didn't support his children. Good fathers will avoid women that resent his relationship and support of his children.
    maangell1

    Answer by maangell1 at 8:39 AM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • b/c they think the money is going to the X to go on shopping sprees, but sometimes it does. But the non-custodial parent has no control over what that money is spent on. Personally I am anxious tto get the money out to my DH X each month b/c I know his son needs it, whether or not she spends the money or herself or not i don't know and I don't care as long as the child is taken care of.
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 8:40 AM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • I'm not a step mom, but I don't agree with child support in most cases either. If you have a child and you want them in your life, you should be doing what you can to take care of them - that includes finances. And I think the majority of dads are willing to do that or more, but they end up slapped with childsupport and limited contact with their kids and NO control over where their money goes. I know our dad was NOT a part of our life, he didn't want to be, we didn't want him to be. But he's STILL paying back childsupport for us even though we are both in our 20s, and I'm not even his biochild. So where is that money going? It's paying my mothers mortgage, it's not taking care of us - which was the point. I have a BIL who LIVES with his children, pays all the bills and still has to pay CS.

    So I can see why Step moms get upset.

    cont.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 8:40 AM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • Oh no I am not saying its all step moms, I am just saying I have ran into some bitter step moms in person and also on this board as well. I am not a step mom but if I was I would want my husband to pay his support, if they have a child. If they have a problem with their hubbys paying child support they shouldn't have gotten involved with someone who had a child.
    ashleypalomba

    Comment by ashleypalomba (original poster) at 8:44 AM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • If their hubbys are paying CS for children they can't have contact with or who's mothers are blowing the money rather than using it to care for the kids. I know I would be bitter if an ex first took my kids, limited my contact and then forced me to pay them just for doing what they should be doing. And I can only imagine many Dads are, and so are their new wives.

    I don't think most step moms are upset that their hubbies are wanting to care for their children. I think the issue is in the fact that they are required to pay so much and then issues between the ex and the hubby create issues... And all of that adds stress. Where if the husbands were simply allowed to care for their kids - buy them clothes, have decent visitation, and so on, there would be less issues...

    Unfortunately it's not that easy, and because the minority of men are assholes who WON'T help out with clothes and other stuff, ALL men have to deal with CS!
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 8:46 AM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • My SO is more bitter than I am about it. Why because boof his EX's DON"T work t support themselves and always have money for the beer and getting their nails done or whatever. It pisses him off cause no matter what he does he can't seem to do right. The one mother won't let him see his daughter because he is with me. I tell him to try t to think about it as they are spend your money think it as your daughters need it.
    StefInfection

    Answer by StefInfection at 8:52 AM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • My BIL is paying child support to his child mother and his child lives with her grandmother because she didn't want to be in her mothers home anymore. His childs mother refuses to give up rights because that would mean giving up the child support that allows her to NOT work. BIL is all the way across the country and can't do anything about it. In fact he moves across the country to get away form the mother who would hound him for more money so she could get her nails done. His ex wife wants him to support her even though their child isn't in her home so she can sit on her butt and play WOW all day. - no joke- and this woman is in her late 30's! On the other hand he has another child by another woman who lives int he same area he does. He takes care of her after school every day while mom works, he buys he clothes and shoes, takes her places and pays no child support. She is supported and her mother knows it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:53 AM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • My opinion is even if your not in your childs life and you have not signed your rights over you should still have to pay child support. I think weather or not you have limited contact or visitation you should still have to pay support. Why should the mother have to pay all the money? It takes two to create a baby not one. And usually the bio moms can't limit visitation, when I went to court with my sons bio dad he got all the days he asked for regarding visitation, then he went back saying he only wanted to see him son once a week so he limited his visitation himself, doesn't come on holidays to see his son, he used to have over nights every other weekend and told the judge it was so much for him, that he needs his sleep. I don't care that he doesn't see his son, because my son is far better off, but if he doesn't want to be involved in his sons life he should sign his rights over.
    ashleypalomba

    Comment by ashleypalomba (original poster) at 8:57 AM on Apr. 7, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.