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How do I help my 19 month old with separation from his daddy?

4 days ago, on the day after my 22nd birthday and before our 4 year anniversary from when we first started dating, I walked in on my husband having sex with another woman in my bed, while our 19 month old son was left unattended downstairs, there was broken dishes from him pulling them out of the dishwasher in the kitchen and this is where he was playing. Needless to say I was furious, and unfortunately Connor (our son) had to hear me yelling at his daddy upstairs. I had him escorted out (he is military, and so is she, and he has a no contact order so he hasn't been around for 4 days) My body has been reacting to the stress and anxiety of course, I'm filing for divorce and pressing child endangerment and neglect charges, and I haven't really been able to eat or sleep. I try to eat with my son so he will eat but yesterday he would barely eat anything, the only thing I could get him to eat was cheerios. He did drink a lot though, 3 cps of milk and 2 of juice. I think his body is reacting like mine, shutting down. Yesterday, with him hardly eating and then he took an extremely long nap which is way out of character for him, and if he wasn't asleep he was either laying around or clinging to me, or he was acting out more than normal. I don't know how to comfort him and assure him that everything will be ok since I don't think he understands the words. What do I say? how do I help him through this? I am going to try to get it so his daddy can come home, if not to stay, then to visit at least, so my son can have that contact. I feel he really needs it right now, the stress he can sense on top of his daddy being absent is what's affecting him I think. And then we will be leaving the state to go live with family he is familiar with, so I think he may be better there, but how do I help him until then? Pleas help, I don't know what to do.

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Asked by J3sseLightn at 11:34 AM on Apr. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • If you press charges of child engangerment and neglect and he's convicted he will not be able to come home and see your DS. I'm not saying don't do it. I'm confused do you want him to see his daddy or press charges?

    Answer by yesmaam at 11:39 AM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • Oh my goodness....I am so sorry you're going through this. I don't think you should let him come back though. I think that your son, at 19 months old, will get through this quickly. Just be there for him (which it sounds like you are). Make sure he knows you aren't going anywhere.

    Answer by TARARENEE at 11:39 AM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • Don't worry, children are so much more adaptable than we are. I agree with you for pressing the neglect charges, what he did was unforgivable, his son should come first over ANYTHING in life. I am so sorry you've had to go through this and I dearly hope that you and your son are alright.

    Answer by kayalouise at 11:41 AM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • I think what he did was awful, but I would rethink pressing the charges,, if he is a good dad, but a bad husband, your kid still needs to see him, and more than likely your child is taking cues from you,, I think you had better go to McDonalds, and let him have something to get his appetite back.. I am so sorry this happened to you, but you have to be strong for your child. If your husband gets the boot from the military your kid is going to lose benefits, and possibly child support,, IDK, did he know you were coming home? I can;t believe he was so immature, but if baby didn't get hurt, and you can be the primary caregiver, I would rethink him not being able to see his child.

    Answer by kimigogo at 11:43 AM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • yea no i agree not to sound mean or anthing but he will forget.when i seperated from my baby daddy my now oldest was a bit younger than 19 month but not by much and shes 5 now and doesnt remember him AT ALL! and out now 2 yr old son if i didnt have pic of daddy all over the house im sure hed forget too- if he was stupid enough to do that to a child he doesnt deserve to be in that childs life. good luck to ya mama.

    Answer by sandraberke at 11:47 AM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • This isn't the first time he has been neglectful to our son. He has put canola oil in his sippy cup instead of Apple Juice, and has double dosed him, leading to triple dose, on medication when our son had strep throat. Sure nothing bad has happened yet, but what happens next time? there was broken glass all over the kitchen floor this time, Connor could have seriously been hurt... Just because he wasn't doesn't mean I should let Danny (current husband soon to be ex) slide. the only thing that I would rethink it for is that he doesn't get kicked out of the military so I can be sure to get child support and the benefits for my son. I have thought about that aspect, but I want to make sure at the same time that he isn't awarded any custody at all. It's not that I want to keep him from his son, it's that I don't want him left unattended with him. If he comes home til we leave, I will be here the whole time. I am a stay at home mom

    Comment by J3sseLightn (original poster) at 12:09 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • Also, I don't have a vehicle, so I can't just take him out to eat, or even to just get him out of the house. hopefully we'll have it back by tomorrow. So the only thing I could do until then is take him for a walk but it's so cold here, I don't want to take him out unless it's to a warm vehicle with him getting sick already :/

    Comment by J3sseLightn (original poster) at 12:18 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • sounds like you two need some special mommy baby time. Take him out to eat, go to a movie together, go to the park for a day and have a picnic. Whatever you do for fun or relaxation..go do it! take sometime to destress, things aren't going to happen overnight, GL mama, I'm so sorry you're in this situation

    Answer by gypsymama532 at 12:19 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • currently I am in Alaska... it is 17 degrees outside and he is sick... so that takes out any outdoors activities, and I have no vehicle til at least tomorrow... I guess I'll take him out tomorrow, but I have no idea where to... >.< not a whole lot to do around here. And movies brings up another question, since he is 19 months old he doesn't sit still for very long, how do I know when it's ok to bring him to the movies again? When he was younger he did just fine, but I don't want to interrupt the movie for everyone else when he gets fidgety, but I also don't want to waste the little money we have on taking him to a movie and having to leave... So when is it ok to start taking him again?

    Comment by J3sseLightn (original poster) at 12:44 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • Do you have a McDonalds with a play place? You can maybe just get fries or a juice for him and he can play....? How about a library?

    Answer by TARARENEE at 2:08 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

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