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Adopted Step-son...Is there a way to get him where he belongs?

My husband and his ex-wife adopted adopted a boy who is now 7. He was taken from his biological mom as a baby for drug use. He has ADHD and apraxia which is a speech problem and some other issues. My husband was hesitant to adopt this boy bc of his issues and concern for his other 2 children. His ex was determined to adopt this boy and adoption took place when he was 4. The biological mom did all she could to keep her child from being adopted. Less than a year later, my husbands ex moves out and leaves him with all 3 children and no support until court ordered. We now live across the county from his ex who only sees the children in the summertime under a shared parenting agreement.

My adopted stepsons biological mother wants her son back. She is completely clean and is doing very well. She recently spent a week at our home and my heart is broken over the bond they shared and the fact that she cannot take him home. My husband and I love this child very much but feel he belongs with his mother. We would love for him to be where he belongs but the ex-wife will not turn over custody. As residential parents of this child is there anything that can be done?


Asked by JLang at 1:00 PM on Apr. 7, 2011 in Adoption

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This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • No there is not. All you can do is see if the adopted mom pays child support and visits regularly. In most states if you dont see a child or pay child support for 6-12 months you can have your rights to the child terminated. If that were to happen then he could give up his rights as well and she could adopt her son back. Your only other option is to talk to a lawyer but I seriously doubt theres anything you can legally do. You can always allow the son to go live with his mother, and visit with his other mother in the summer.

    Answer by gemgem at 1:02 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • Now morally, I'm not sure it's a good idea. Adoptees are not supposed to be passed around. Once an adoption has been legally finalized, that is a moral promise to the child to be their parent forever.  I'm not sure I believe it's immoral, I'm just not sure. Obviously the fact that he'd be going back to his original mother does make a difference. hmmm

    What about just having a very open adoption with her?


    Answer by onethentwins at 2:22 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • That's a very difficult situation. I can't offer any advice, but hope that everything works out for the best.

    Answer by Kimedbs at 1:05 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • She can sue to have the adoption reversed, but it's unlikely to happen.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:02 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • I would consult a lawyer and see if there can be a visitation schedule between your husband and the bio mom, especially if you can have it well documented the benefits for the child.

    Answer by LoveBuggsMommie at 1:04 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • This is heartbreaking

    Answer by ochsamom at 1:04 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • you may not be adble to get her back her rights but i see no reson why they bio mum cant have contact a lot and weekends

    Answer by feralkitten at 2:19 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • This is a tough one. I tried to check the laws in your state:,3.html but couldn't quite figure them our :) If you were the one wanting to adopt him, most states have an abandonment period if no contact and no child support payment are made, where their consent to the adoption is not required, as short as 6 months. Also, for birth mom to be eligible to adopt she'd have to have a back ground check and a home inspection to qualify. Do you think she'd pass that?

    So I think legally if you were able to have ex wife's rights revoked you could adopt your step son and if she passed the requirements to adopt him, It might be possible for you to relinquish parental rights to her. A couple of big ifs in there though.


    Answer by onethentwins at 2:22 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • So let me get this straight...he has issues and is difficult to handle so you just want to give him back???

    This is your husbands CHILD...the same as his other two!

    He has been in your husbands care for 3 years. Do you KNOW what stability is??

    He is not a friggen ugly sweater that you can return because you do not like it! He is a CHILD!

    And let me tell you something...drug users frequently relasp. I KNOW! I have a drug addict sister who has been clean NUMEROUS times and she always relaspes. My family also adopted a drug addicted, blinde baby girl whos mother was a drug user.

    Her birth mother got her back over a technicality and GUESS WHAT...SHOCKINGLY she relasped and NOW this little girl is a warden of the state and dam near unadoptable because she is ten now and special needs.

    And my family is not eligiable to have her back according to the state because it is as if we are strangers legally!


    Answer by Anonymous at 2:16 AM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • Long story short...He is YOUR responsibility to LOVE and CARE FOR!

    I am sorry his BM wants him back but stability, love, and SAFETY should be the concern here. NOT getting him off your hands.

    I feel SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry for this poor boy.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:18 AM on Apr. 10, 2011