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How do you deal w/ a death in the family (ie-grandmother)?

My grandmother passed away yesterday and I'm the epitome of a mess. She lives in Venezuela (although she helped raise me) and all of my immediate family lives in Boston. I live in CA w/ my SO and dd. I feel very alone, although SO is doing his best with support.

This is real tough, I can't stop crying- and I know there's no textbook way to deal/cope, so I'm wondering how anyone else has? I've never lost a family member besides my sister dying of SIDS when I was five. That dramatically impacted my life and I'm just terrified that I won't ever be able to cope with my grandmother's death.

How do you deal with a loved one passing?

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lexi8622

Asked by lexi8622 at 1:26 PM on Apr. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,640 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • My Nana, Opa, Aunt, friends mom..... well the list goes on much further then that of people I was extremely close to & has died.

    Everyone deals with death differently & it takes time. You'll go through sevearl feelings of sadness, anger, shock, even play the blame game sometimes. Each death is different too so you wont go through the same timeline or emotions you do from death to death to death. Try to write things down, you can just scribble on paper then throw it away after or put it into a box until your ready to toss them away. Write messages to her rip them up toss it in the wind or toss it into the water. Send a balloon up into the sky for her. Little things like that may help you along. Some people like to hide away photos of loved ones for a while but others like to display them. You'll find what triggers you to be upset but you are going to be a wreck here for a good week or two or even longer maybe.
    Mel30248

    Answer by Mel30248 at 1:30 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • You have to let yourself grieve. Remember all the good memories, then you have to get past it. Life moves forward with or without you. Your SO and DD need you. Time will lessen the hurt and pain, but until then you just get by one moment at a time. Sorry for your loss.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 1:30 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • When my grandma passed away years ago, I sat down with all the pictures i have and made a day of remembering all the fun things we did together. I took advantage of all the memories and told my children the stories of the things i remembered. I found that thinking of all the good times gave me ideas of things that i could do with my kids and suggestions for me to give to my mom to have her do with my kids so they can share similar memories with their kids later in life.
    babybugsmomma

    Answer by babybugsmomma at 1:31 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • Dont feel like you have to rush to get over it all b/c you dont. Just keep going day by day. You will cry a lot that is normal & sometimes you will think you are fine & ready to move on but then you cry over something small & "dumb" & feel like your back at square one but your not. There is a light at the end of the tunnel I promise & you will get there. You'll figure out a way to live with the memories & fact that she is gone now.

    I am so sorry that you are going through this please feel free to PM me anytime, I have been there many times before. Also if you go to google & type in GROWW you will come to a website that is a chatroom for those dealing with death. Nobody knows you, pick a name but other then that they dont know you. Very nice people I visit whenever I need it, I encourage you to look it up if you think you want to do that. You will get through this though.
    Mel30248

    Answer by Mel30248 at 1:32 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • I have written a letter to someone who passed unexpectedly saying all that had been unsaid and then burned it. The thought behind it is that your words are carried to Heaven in the Smoke. It helped me get my thoughts out at least. If you can't attend a service for her, or be with your family, you could do one of your own where you share with the people around you who she was and what you loved about her, then plant a flower or tree in her honor. Don't be afraid to seek a grief counselor if you just can't find a way to deal.
    Kimedbs

    Answer by Kimedbs at 1:36 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • I lost my husband in February and it's been really hard. I am staying busy but I take some time everyday to address the pain I'm going through. I also am making an album for when the babies are born. If you wanted you could make a memory box. I had a friend that lost her mother and she made a quilt out of some of her mother's clothes. I also think talking to other people that are going the same thing. Because my husband was killed by a drunk drive, I joined MADD and that has really helped a lot. I know there are support groups on here to help through loss. I am very sorry for your loss and I'll be praying for you and your family.
    Fiestygoodbye

    Answer by Fiestygoodbye at 2:11 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • I'm sorry about your Grandmother. My Grandfather passed away March 26th and I'm still having a hard time coping with it because the last time I saw him was July of 2010. Let yourself grieve. I know it is hard. Time will eventually help the hurt. God bless you hun.
    proudmom2510

    Answer by proudmom2510 at 2:15 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

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