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I hate to hate, but I hate my ex so much, how in the world to I deal with my hatred?

I hate my ex so much, he's my son's father, who is a joke, not a father. Too long to explain, but he's just simply a jerk. I had to run away from him, from FL to CA. And next week, I'm flying to FL to a court hearing regarding my son's custody. I hate him so much, for everything he did to us, and at the same time want to be at peace. I'm afraid that when I meet him in FL next week, i won't be able to control myself and do or say something stupid that might jeopardize my custody hearing. How do I stop hating him? I've gone through periods of time when I was feeling angry, then sorry for his ass, but now I HATE him, and feel like throwing eggs on his beloved old Montecarlo....

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:55 PM on Apr. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • You are the only one who chooses how you feel, how you react to the world, what comes out of your mouth and your actions. Set those bags of bricks down. Hanging onto hatred and anger is NO way to live. Life is TO short to be anything but happy. What he did is IN the PAST. You CANT ever change it so just move forward. You got away and are alive. Be happy.

    Answer by vbruno at 1:59 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • I feel the exact same way. I don't want to hate my ex anymore and I just want to forget he exists all together and be at peace with myself. My issue is that I dwell in the past too much and I don't accept that people make mistakes, that I made a mistake in ever getting with him. I guess you can either confront him(non-violently) or start working on yourself in order to get rid of these feelings. There are a lot of good books out there.

    Answer by GomezMami2908 at 2:00 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • Just smile and bite your tongue. If you do something stupid, then it will only show your son that you're willing to go to the fathers level. Be better than that.

    Answer by MrsDAP at 2:00 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • God. I can't be around my baby dad either. My personality changes tremendously. Always ends in police handing both of us case #s. He's evil, corrupt & makes me lose it. But yeah, God, prayer, meditation some how help.

    Answer by shynu at 2:01 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • I totally understand how you feel. My DD's "father" is a joke too. He was abusive and awful to me. Now I don't hate him because I mostly feel sorry for him (he will NEVER be happy) and all those who are also forced to put up with his crap. I suggest you indulge in some good old fashioned venting. Also, write him the nastiest letter you can, and DO NOT send it! Burn it. While your at it, burning his picture might be therapeutic too! (It was for me). And don't forget to pat yourself on the back for leaving this fool, for being smarter than him, and don't feel bad about feeling like you are better than him. These are all normal emotions. Just do your best not to talk bad about him around your child, even if you feel the truth should be known. Trust me, your child will learn for himself without any help on your part, that his dad is a jerk. Just be there to comfort him, he will be truly sad when he realizes what his father is like

    Answer by FoxFire363 at 2:04 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • I still hate my ex with passion but I am not as hostile about it as I once was. You anger is still fresh in your mind I bet so you need to write down everything that makes you so angry about him, and it could also be a mixture of a failed relationship and his failed parenting. when you write everything out read it and work through those feelings and then let it go. Find that resolve with your anger and if you need a little help get the book " the dance of anger" ... I once wanted to burn down my ex's house and really was serious! but realized his insurance would build him a better one. so when you think of revenge think of what the outcome would be. He isn't going to change but your feelings need to be validated and worked through and then let go. Until your child is an adult his father is going to always be pissing you off one way or another. Learn how to control the anger before it controls you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:07 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • Thank you ladies for advice.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:09 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • Oh, and I never tell my son bad things about his daddy, on the contrary, I sometimes show him pictures of him, just to see if he remembers his dad, and some times he does, he'd look at a picture and say "daddy!" and I say yeah, that's your daddy. I want my son to know who his dad is, even though my present husband is the best dad for him I could have ever asked for.
    I like the idea of writing him a letter and not sending it. I'll do just that :)

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:12 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • Remember the saying that "living well is the best revenge." That goes for moving on and being happy. Even if you are seething inside, be sweet as honey, and calm. Dig your fingernails into your hands if you have to so you remain calm.

    My dear late FIL came from a situation in which he literally lost 6 yrs of his life, his entire family (parents, aunts, uncles & cousins were murdered,) his home, and his childhood. He said he would get mad, and then he would remember what he has now and that is the best revenge - he survived and went on to have children, grandchildren and a life filled with love and happiness. You can do that for yourself as well. It might be hard, but you can do it because you deserve the happiness.

    Answer by balagan_imma at 2:13 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

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