I have a 4 year old daughter from a previous relationship. I met my husband when she was 6 months old, he proposed another 6 months later and we got married a year later and we've been together ever since and my husband is her father, he's been there for everything and they have an imaginable bond, it's beautiful. I just recently had my 2nd child which makes me think about the future because I plan on talking to my daughter and telling her the truth about her dad and her biological father.
Her bio father and I were already broken up at the end of my pregnancy, I was 16 and dumb when I met him and after I became pregnant I grew up and handled the situation and removed myself from him. He only saw her twice because I thought he might want to be involved but that's gonna be 5 years ago soon and I haven't heard from him since. My daughter has my maiden last name, I never asked for child support, and I never put his name down on anything, not even the birth certificate...so legally the only one who knows he is the father is me. He's not a good guy, he has multiple children with different women, and a very long record, but of course being 16 I thought bad guys were cool.
So my question is how to I handle telling her, when the times comes, that her dad is not biologically her dad? I think about this a lot, and I fear her hating me. In my mind I planned on having a few family members there to tell her that nothing changes, that they love her and they always will. What would you do?
*on a side not, no bashing please. Just because a man is someone's father biologically DOES NOT mean they have any rights whatsoever. "Owning a piano doesn't make you a pianist" Plus I left my door open for him to grow up and be a man but he didn't, the only two times he saw her were because I made it happen, not him. He wasn't interested period.
Asked by Anonymous at 2:16 PM on Apr. 7, 2011 in General Parenting
Answer by gdiamante at 2:20 PM on Apr. 7, 2011
Answer by Kimedbs at 2:20 PM on Apr. 7, 2011
Answer by KateShesGreat3 at 2:26 PM on Apr. 7, 2011
Answer by amberpaiz at 2:29 PM on Apr. 7, 2011
You'll want to bring this up before she starts to school and realizes that there is a reason she doesn't have the same last name as her Dad (your husband). You don't want this to pop up and surprise and confuse her. Also, bring it up often enough that she remembers it - I don't mean you have to talk about it all the time, but make sure she really does understand it and feels like she can ask you questions about it. I went through something similar with my oldest daughter, and when she stopped asking questions I was relieved and stopped talking about it. I thought we were done with it, but what I didn't realize is she had forgotten about it, which turned out not to be such a good thing. One of her friends told her that her dad (my husband) must be her step-dad because they didn't have the same last name. This was really hurtful and confusing for her. We've dealt with it and she is ok, but it didn't have to happen. GL!
Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 2:30 PM on Apr. 7, 2011
Answer by VintageWife at 2:31 PM on Apr. 7, 2011
Answer by MaryMW at 2:43 PM on Apr. 7, 2011
Answer by brooklyndm at 2:51 PM on Apr. 7, 2011
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