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Breaking up with a friend?

I moved to a new state a few years ago and didn't know anyone. One of the first girls I met where I was working was **Lindsey. We were both in need of a friendship, so over time, we became close.
Jumping right into it, I feel like I need to tiptoe around her because she gets frustrated, angry, and very defensive really easily. Whenever we spend time together, the majority of the time she is complaining about someone/something, talking about her business, or her kids. She talks about everyone behind their backs, so there is no doubt she probably does the same to me. She comes to me for advice a lot, and I will spend hours on the phone with her listening to her problems and helping her work through it. But when I try to talk to her about something that is bothering me, she gives me a one word response then gets distracted and starts doing something else. And I feel like it's a competition to her about what our kids are doing and what stages they are at. This relationship is so draining on me. When we are together, I leave feeling run down, drained and bummed out. She doesn't have too many friends so she is always wanting to get together, and I have a hard time saying no. She lives kind of far so we usually get together about once a week. I need help to end this relationship. Please please please, I am open to any good advice!

* I have to ask anonymously because she is a cm member!
 **Name was changed!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:37 PM on Apr. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Shouldn't you have left her name out too?

    You could be "too busy" to hang out and eventually she'll stop trying to make plans with you.

    Answer by bdflykisses at 2:39 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • Little by little stop talking to her, when she calls tell her you're busy or you have other plans if she wants to hang out. Eventually she will stop calling and stop trying to get together. Good luck.

    Answer by GomezMami2908 at 2:41 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • It's hard not to want to hang out with a friend even if you don't want to....i think it's called co-dependent? just be honest with her when you don't want her to come by or hang out and if she gets upset just apologize and keep a graceful attitude and hopefully you will be able to continue to be friends, unfortunately sometimes friends grow in different directions. GL!

    Answer by Ethans_Ma at 2:42 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • OMG!!!! I have had a friendship with this girl for bout 15 years. It was the same way...I would help her thru whateva she needed but when it came down to me needin help it wasnt a big deal. She always talked behind my back. So finally I just told her that I needed a true friend. Someone that I could rely on and be there for me also. I always believe that u should treat people how you want to be treated. U dont need the negativity around. I havent talked to her in 2 years and to be honest it doesnt even bother me. Just speak your mind. If she was a true friend she would try and mmake that change for you. Goodluck

    Answer by Kelli13 at 2:48 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • I have had a few relationships like this in the past. Kelli13 is right. The best way is to just be honest. She WILL be mad, but you just have to get over it. Obviously she would be that way anyway no matter what you did or said. There isn't a nice way to "break up" with anyone. Honesty is your best friend right now. Just tell her how you feel neglected and that the relationship is leaving you feeling negative and you don't need that in your life. If she doesn't make a change or make the effort, then she'll just stop calling. You can't save her from her own choices, since we all know that is what caused her lonliness in the first place. If you can't love 'em, then leave 'em behind. :) Good luck! (P.S. I'm going through this right now with a family member. Obviously I can't break up with her, so I'm at a bit of a dilemma).

    Answer by ACL2007 at 2:55 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • Just say you "have plans" and slowly phase her out of your life. Don't return her calls, texts, etc. If she asks whats up, just tell her how busy you are with everything, and eventually she will get the hint. Hopefully you still don't work with her.

    Answer by KateShesGreat3 at 3:02 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

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