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3 Bumps

Helping my child deal with a hateful stepmother?

My daughter lives with her dad and stepmom half the time. Her stepmom has made it known that she hates me just because. How can I help my daughter deal with her SM talking down to her, making her feel insecure and talking crap about me?

I asked her to mention it to her dad and he hasn't really done anything about it.

Answer Question

Asked by amysaves at 3:11 PM on Apr. 7, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 7 (191 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • You should have a talk with the ex, and Step Mom, without your Daughter present. If you all can be civil together. Make it clear it's for your Daughters sake and she will be the main topic.

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 3:13 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • Be open, up front, honest and loving to your daughter. You don't say how hold she is, but she WILL figure out who's the real bitch and who's not. As hard as it probably is, DO NOT rise to the bait of this step mother. If/When your daughter comes to you with what was said tell her the truth. Talk with your daughter as often as you can and just keep reassuring her that not everything she hears is the truth, without badmouthing her stepmom.

    Kids are a LOT smarter than most people give them credit for.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 3:17 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • i set up a mediation appt with the court for next week to discuss this. the stepmom will not be there. i don't know what her problem is, but she will do stuff like make him late to meet me. she's ridiculous.


    Comment by amysaves (original poster) at 3:17 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • thanks Rose. my daughter is 10, so she knows what's going on. she has mentioned that she is scared of her! i have told her that she can come and talk with me about anything and she has. i just wish her dad would take a more proactive stance in her dealings with the evil B.

    Comment by amysaves (original poster) at 3:18 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • I would tell her father that she is being abused verbally and emotionally and if i hear that the sm has done it one more time, dd will not be allowed to be at their home - because it is abusive.... we will set something up with the courts that lets him see dd - but barrs sm from being in the same location as her. in other words i would throw the shit at the fan.

    Answer by AmaliaD at 3:33 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • i like your idea Amalia. very true and def not taking her shit anymore.

    Comment by amysaves (original poster) at 3:34 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • B***slap her! j/k. That is insane, it's hurtful for your DD to hear those things I do not understand how people can be such assholes to kids!! Do you and dad have a decent parenting relationship? Maybe you could mention it to dad rather than your daughter? Maybe the step mom should come to the mediation? But she sounds like the kind of person that wouldn't go...GL

    Answer by yesmaam at 3:58 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • I'm sure dad played a role in how sm feels.....just sayin. And to keep peace around him he keeps his mouth closed. I know a couple who refer to the dd mom as "wench". I have said something to them about it.....obviously HE felt something at one point or there would be no child.....if you are still friendly with someone that is friendly with them......maybe they could broach the subject of NOT TALKING BADLY ABOUT YOU IN FRONT OF HER - it will BITE them hard later on.

    Answer by brypmom at 3:58 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • I would let your ex have it full force,, does he not see what this witch is doing to your kid,, you might want to have the mediator talk to your DD as well, Whatever his wife's problem is with you shouldn't be taken out on your child!

    Answer by kimigogo at 4:03 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • kimigogo- i am for sure bringing up this crap in mediation. he is selfish on all sorts of levels.

    brypmom- yep, im sure he has bad mouthed me plenty to sm. my main concern is keeping her negativity away from my DD!

    yesmaam- oh, i wish and i would. no, she wont go to mediation. she doesnt care about anyone but herself. and, on top of all this. she has 2 other kids of her!! so wtf? just leave mine alone. ugh.

    Comment by amysaves (original poster) at 4:13 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

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