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My 2 year old has separation anxiety so bad it's killing.
I can't have anyone watch her because no one will...she screams from the time I leave until I pick her up. She has to sit in my lap at all times, otherwise she screams. I'm talking a banshee scream. Her Dad purposely works late because he can't deal with it.
She's been kicked out of daycare because of her temper and tantrums. I put her in her room and shut the door...3 hours later, she's still screaming.

I've called the pedi...and have a consult in 2 weeks. However, she assures me "it's normal". I don't care what anyone says THIS IS NOT NORMAL.

I've tried consoling her, time outs, spankings, taking away cartoons...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:40 PM on Apr. 7, 2011 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (14)
  • UGH, that's a tough one momma ( She just loves her momma! I'm not sure what to do, sorry.

    Answer by yesmaam at 3:43 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • Oh mama. First, hug yourself. Being a mama of a two year old is sooo hard.

    It sounds like it is spiraling downward over there. Please don't take this as judgemental, beause I think it has probably happened, to some extent to all of us. But it is possible that the discipline has worsened the separation anxiety and is pushing the relationship to become insecure. She feels like you are pushing her away when you punish her for wanting to be with you. And you feel desparate because, despite what you do, it gets worse and worse.

    My suggestion is that you completely back off of addressing it for now. Just be with her . . . no stress, to reestablish security. Then, hire a babysitter for 30 minutes a week, so you can practice leaving again . . .slowing increasin the time that you go. Even though she is screaming, you try to leave positively and calmly.

    Try a different daycare. There are some terrible daycares . . .

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 3:49 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • It's every little thing...I spent 45 minutes making dinner...she's screaming.
    I go pee...for 15 seconds...she's screaming.
    I fold the laundry...she's screaming.
    I know it's terrible two's...but there is no way this behavior is considered "normal".

    She doesn't cry herself to sleep. Her longest screaming event was 5 hours. Finally my husband called while I was at a business meeting and told me I had to come home he can't deal with her. 5 fucking hours.

    Daycares won't take her. My friends won't watch's AWFUL. It's a nightmare.

    Grocery store...yup...she's screaming through the fucking isles...the whole time. so, I carry her...I have to...

    It's killing me...please someone give me some sort of advice.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:49 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • Well first of all dad needs to step in and help. Its not fair to put it all on you. I would start by leaving for a short period of time. Leave her with a friend or family member who knows its going to be rough. After a couple of hours walk back in the door like it was no big deal and you come back when you leave but if she's still screaming I wouldn't baby her and make a big deal of it. I would ignore the behavior and have the sitter do the same. If not she knows shes getting attention and it will continue. My two year old went through a phase that he wanted to always be on my lap and held. I literately set him down and let him follow me around and scream until it stopped. I ignored his screaming and only acknowledged him when he was not throwing fit. It took like two weeks of insanity but eventually his stubbornness broke and he realized he wasn't getting his way. Its so hard and I am so sorry your having to deal with this!

    Answer by Rnegron82 at 3:51 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • Great idea rnegron...too bad I thought about that already and no one will watch her.

    For my DH, I can lead a horse to water but can't make'em drink. He can't stand to be in the same house with her when she starts screaming.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:54 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • If you can swing it, there is something called PCIT (Parent-Child Interaction Therapy) that can be really helpful. If there is someone in your area that does that, I would set up some sessions. Because of her age, you need to be involved, but it would basically be helping her to become more comfortable with you coming and going. And, it will give you extra support, as a mom.

    The separation anxiety of the twos will go away, so please keep that in mind. When she hits kinder, she will be much more interested in her class and her private life.

    It is hard right now, but it gets better, so try to do something nice for yourself. . . . to get you through.

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 3:56 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • You can always hire a professional babysitter. Call a nanny service and they may be able to give you a name. Also, your pediatrician may know of a child specialist who does free consults over the phone .. . it may be worth a call,

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 3:58 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • Some kids are just not "normal"

    I am sorry to hear this. I can't believe she can scream for 5 hours

    I don't know what to say :(

    Answer by Mrs.Ro at 4:01 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • have you tried letting her "help" you with task? She has to get off your lap to pick up a toy so you can play with her....then give a big hug as a reward for "getting it all by herself" cooking? give her a little stool nd her own utensils to "help". The idea is that each "help" takes her further steps away from you and longer to get back. I think soon enough she will be in another room and totally forget she ws to take momma something :) It will take awhile but you can get there. If I was near I'd come help you out. I work at a facility where "tuning out" is a requirement :)

    Answer by brypmom at 4:18 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • Yeah, I've tried it...
    she gets so worked up when I'm not holding her or she's not in my lap...she loses it.

    She's still upstairs screaming. I've tried letting her come down and sitting beside me, then she just starts up again.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:23 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

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