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2 Bumps

If your child has any type of "Disability"....

Was it hard for you to accept or deal with at first?
How hard is it or was it on your relationship?
My son is a strong willed 3 year old with some sensory and already showing signs of possible Adhd according to ECI -
My husband doesn't seem to want to accept this and sometimes/ somedays I think its too much for US to take as a couple when our views are so opposite on things and what he has is Mild, compared to what some parents/mothers out there have to deal with - how do you do it?

 
maxsmom11807

Asked by maxsmom11807 at 5:50 PM on Apr. 7, 2011 in Relationships

Level 29 (40,703 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • My son has some mild disabilities also and DH and I went round and round at first but we are a couple years into it now and we are on the same boat. It took me a while to convince him about some issues, but he came around to accepting them. I don't know how people with children that have more severe disabilities do it! I give them all the credit in the world. I was at a training for autism spectrum disorders a couple weeks ago and they said the divorce rate for families with an autistic child was like 80%!
    MommyH2

    Answer by MommyH2 at 5:54 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • No it was not hard to accept. I knew before any doctor told me. I was divorced from his father when I found out he had the disorder so it was not hard in that way. I was remarried (divorced him in part due to it) and he just thought my son was a brat and there was nothing wrong with him. Eventually he accepted yes there was something wrong, and we never did get on the same page about it. He ended up cheating on me and I tossed him to the curb so the issue never got to the point is CAUSED our separation.

    And you just deal with it. It is not like your child is suddenly different. God gave you your child the way they are and to me it was nothing to get used to. I just read on the best treatments, went back to college and learned what I could to help him.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 5:54 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • his lack of social skills is hardest to deal with and gets harder as he ages , it is hard on the marriage and also harder as gets older , i do it by sticking to my guns where my disabled son is concerned but its not easy and never will be because my son comes 1st as he should.
    letstalk747

    Answer by letstalk747 at 5:57 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • Well for me my oldest was born in the 80's and she had alot of problems and it was one Dr after another and one test after another. Every year they came up with something new. when she was 13 they finally said it was Autism and it was so good to finally have a diagnosis rather then another year of " well we think it might be this so we will call it that".... people just had started looking into Autism and Aspergers and nothing was not really known as it is now days. I was relieved but her father is still in denial. when she was 19 he told my husband to kick her out on the street for not having a job.... at that time she had the mentality of a 2nd grader! I cannot imagine have would have happened to her if her had gotten custody after our divorce. He has always been in denial and always will be. At least my current husband has accepted her for who she is and knows her abilities
    alotleft2do

    Answer by alotleft2do at 6:05 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • Our daughter is 9 months old.  The first 4 months of her life I went from doctor to doctor, and hospital to hospital saying that there was something wrong with my baby and no one would listen.  Come to find out she was born with only 40% of her brain.  It wasn't hard for me to accept because I knew that there was something wrong with my baby, but to accept the extent of her disability was hard.  As for our marriage, at first it brought us closer together.  But then we started to push each other away.  And I think it was just a phase because now we are back on track.  But it has been hard on our family.  My husband's family has all but vanished out of thin air on us.
    mrsziemann

    Answer by mrsziemann at 6:10 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • My son is 2 1/2 and has sensory processing disorder plus has a speech delay that we're not sure what causes it plus he has social and emotional/behavioral difficulties. His attention span is really short, so it's almost the same as your son. Keep in mind that most child psychologists won't actually give a firm diagnosis of ADD or ADHD until school age or 5-6 years old. It was and is very hard some days to accept what has gone on with my son. We have gotten a lot of tools and help from the early intervention people that have helped my son to cope with his symptoms and manage his tantrums and issues. The speech delay has been especially frustrating since he can't communicate. I have been blogging about this for several months now and you're welcme to read if you want. It might help you to read other blogs of women going through something similar. We're all in this together. Message me, www.thejourneyofmotherl.blogspot.com
    ACL2007

    Answer by ACL2007 at 6:30 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

  • Oh, and for your info, My husband really had difficulty for a while and disciplined for things I told him our son could not fix or control yet. He was getting more and more angry and less and less willing to listen to me or the therapists. Finally after we saw around 15 specialists he broke down and told me he just didn't want his son to be broken. He also was blaming himself for our son's disability, which is no one's fault. DH is so sweet with our son now and we both have had to be extra patient with him. You could take your hubby on a date and discuss it, which is what we did. Then we came home and got the kids to bed. That's when be both cried about it. Good luck. It won't always be like this, I promise.
    ACL2007

    Answer by ACL2007 at 6:34 PM on Apr. 7, 2011