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3 Bumps

How do I help him?

I'm so worried about my DH. For the last few weeks, he's been acting withdrawn and irritable. For about the past week, he has been staying at a friend's house until like midnight, so he hasn't been spending much time with me and our two DD's. There could be a few explanations for his behavior (like I'm almost positive he's been closet smoking, so he could be going through nicotine withdraws while at home). We haven't had time (or energy) to be very sexually intimate lately, which could also be another reason for his behavior... but it's like pulling an arm and a leg to get him to talk to me. :( To top it all off, today I saw some scratches on his arm and hand (obviously self inflicted) After about half an hour of coaxing and him denying anything, I finally got him to admit to doing it the other day at work. He said he was just having an "off" day and liked the pain?! WTF!? I went on to let him know that I really don't like that he harmed himself and asked him not to do it anymore. He said that he wouldn't, and I let him know that if there is anything he wants to talk about....EVER.... that he could always talk to me. I wish he would hold everything in to the point that he lets it out in unhealthy ways like this. (This is the second time he's ever done this btw. We've been married for 4 years.) He seems to go through these "down" cycles, and I'm worried bc his father is diagnosed with bipolar disorder. My husband doesn't believe in taking meds or therapy for any kind of mental disorders bc he believes ppl should be able to control them by themselves (We've had this talk bc I have panic disorder and sometimes small bouts of depression.) .......*SIGH* I'm so worried about him and don't know what to do to help him. It just makes me want to cry! :,(

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:03 AM on Apr. 8, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • You can't help someone unless they want to be helped. I've been in relationships with depressed people before and it's hard. I realized I can't help them unless they want help. Same goes with me, lol My poor bf has to put up with my depression too. One time during one of my down moments, he was like baby I want to help you. In reality, at that moment, all I wanted to do was to be left alone & cry. I didn't want help at that moment. It takes somone thats depressed awhile to realize they are depressed. I would also suggest therapy. Good Luck
    loudnproud87

    Answer by loudnproud87 at 12:20 AM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • Why do ppl insist on saying he's cheating ? If you didn't mention it in your question than obviously that isn't one of your concerns. People always assume when a man acts different that he is cheating. Not every man cheats. Some men do suffer from depression just as much as women. Its like you can't ask questions or vent on here if your man is doing something that sorta sounds like cheatiing, because thats what he's doing according to everyone else bc they have trust issues with their own man or had a cheating man in the past. And we are talked by these other women like we are stupid bc we don't see it or something? Its very annoying. I def know NOT to turn to this website for relationship problems about my bf bc he will be a cheater or a jerk.
    loudnproud87

    Answer by loudnproud87 at 2:00 AM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • gntblbrngvgna, why is that always the first thing everyone suggests when there are problems in a relationship? Are men not allowed to have problems without cheating?

    loudnproud87, thank you for your encouragement. It's really discouraging when he doesn't want to talk or spend time with us. I don't want to nag, but I really do want to help him. Guess I will take a subtle approach here. ty.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:24 AM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • *sigh* Yes, loudnproud87. How sad it is! And no, tasches, these were NOT human finger nail scrates. My good frigging gracious. It's very sad that all of you have so many trust issues. I never suspected cheating, and none of your comments have or will change that. All I can think is "how sad for all of these women that that's all they know."
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:04 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • Hm, I'm thinking the scratches are from something called another female ~
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 1:43 AM on Apr. 8, 2011