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evil step mom syndrome?

i can not get myself to treat my "step son" like my own. he is only 2 1/2 years old and i do not like him, i do not like him around and i do not like dealing with his mother. my fiance and i have a 1 year old together and before i was pregnant i loved having his son with us. we fought to get time with his son and now i regret it. we know that his ex wife used to cheat on him and i have a hard time believing that the child is even my fiances. i want him to get a paternity test but i dont know if this will even help. i feel like he is just in the way of my family. i feel like the worst person in the world. and i dont know how to change it. i want to love this kid... but all i see is his ex's face when i look at him [he looks nothing like his dad]. i was not cut out to be a step mother and i know i dont have the maturity to love this kid like my own, especially if he isnt even my fiances.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Nov. 30, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • 2 me u sound like a hash bitch u knew ur man have a kid and if ur this way u shouldn't have one of ur own
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:50 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • yeah, you are right. i feel like a bitch... but here i am in this situation. i had no idea i would feel this way. i am a very good mother to my own, and i plan on having more, i love my child more than life itself. its hard now though, i cant just walk away. i was looking for maybe other mothers who have felt this way towards step children?? some good advice??
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:54 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • You don't HAVE to deal with his mother. Your SO other should be the one doing that. Are you saying these things to your SO? If so you may be dooming your relationship. Really think about it, it's not the kid you don't like because he is only 2 and a half. It really seems like you are jealous that he had a kid with someone else but you knew that before you ended up as a couple. You really need to figure out what the problem really is. I can't believe you want him to take a paternity test, that is just a very mean and hurtful thing to request.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:55 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • Some women are not cut to be step moms. I know id never want to be one. I think if you cant get over this then you are going to have to leave or say something to your fiance about how you feel. You might also look into family therapy and see why you have these feelings about a 2 yr old little boy. You might have some resentment because you see him as a real life reminder your fiance had a life before you. You knew he had a son when you got involved and chose to have a child with him. As for the mom, well if you choose to stay with your fiance you will have to deal with her the rest of your life. It doesnt matter what anyone else tells you. I have an ex and hes with someone and like it or not she has to deal with me and my son.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:59 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • i have been trying to figure out what the problem really is. it may be jealousy, i dont know. he doesnt speak with the mother unless he has to. she is not a very nice person and the first year of his life she was absent. that is where another situation has come up. my fiances mother practically raised him because the ex used his son as a pawn to punish him for leaving her. now his sons grandmother raised him to be a brat and to get anything he wants. he does not act like this in our home, he is a very good boy when he is with us. and the paternity test? other members of the family want to know that truth too and my fiance has agreed that this will lay his mind to rest also. so i dont think that this was a mean and hurtful thing to request. sometimes it is warranted and makes sense. it just should have been done from the beginning.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:04 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • why r u so upset about this u loved the child bf what happened
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:06 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • i really dont know what happened. i just want the resentment toward this 2 year old child to go away. i KNOW it is not his fault that my life hasnt gone the way that i had always expected. i KNOW i got myself into it. whenever he is with us, i always look at him and see her, i always wonder 'is this even his son?' and i get uspet because we are taking care of this b!tches son that we dont even know is his. i feel like maybe i could get over it if i knew that he was really his own.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:13 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • yet... i dont know if this is really the problem. or if a paternity test would be the solution.

    i feel like no one understands.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:18 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • This is the reason I purposely found a man who didn't have kids. Because I didn't want to have to deal with the step kids and the EX.


    You are going to have to learn how to deal with the step kid and the EX.  It is not the kids fault, you need to treat him nicely, even if you don't like him.  Or you will loose your man.  GL

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:46 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • I understand some of what you are going through because I have a stepdaughter and it was no picnic when she lived here...most of that her mother's doing. But she was older, I can't relate to a 2 1/2 year old.
    Having a child of my own definately opened my eyes. I love my stepdaughter, but it is what it is. There is a chemistry, a connection, a protectiveness, a love so strong for your own child. I thought of it like this, My stepdaughter has a mother who loves her just as strongly as I love my own (or she has the option to). She is not missing out. She gained by having me in her life because I was very good to her and I do love her, but not like I love my own. Is that wrong? No, it's not. I'm not a replacement, by necessity or by choice. If her mother is lacking why is it up to me to make up for that? Mind you, this kid was a HANDFUL and the mother liked putting us out any way she could. Continued...
    good2me

    Answer by good2me at 5:58 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

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