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2 Bumps

How should I deal with a negative mother?

My mom has spent the majority of my life cutting me down. Even when I talked about things that I am excited about, she finds a way to make them horrible. Anyone deal with a negative parent in a special way. Just ignoring her totally feels bad.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:46 AM on Apr. 8, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Just don't engage in conversations that will give her away to put you down. Quit telling her things about you. She will eventually notice than you can explain why. Maybe that will help ? I have a family member like that and I just don't talk about myself to her like if she asks how i've been.. i say good thanks how r u . That's it. No details like oh i've been going to school and its going great, etc. Don't give her a chance to put you down. With my family member, I've told her a million times how I feel and it never makes a difference. She is so negative, bitter and judgmental. I can't stand being around her, so I limit my time around her & I limit what our conv. are about bc she will find a reason to tell me I'm wrong or share her very rude opinions about whatever we are talking about. With those kind of ppl, you have to demand respect and give them consquences to their actions and maybe they will change.
    loudnproud87

    Answer by loudnproud87 at 3:14 AM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • My DH's mother is like that... we just try not the engage her in conversation... works good for us!!

    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 12:48 AM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • ... is her name Sherley?? LOL
    Hon, my mom is JUST like that.... when HER dad died, I traveled home for the funeral - first time I'd seen her in 5 years... when I walked in, she didn't say hi, she didn't give me a hug... she made fun of me for having gained weight all the way up to a size 6 and no longer being a size 2. The woman is just mean. When I bought my 1st house... I was so proud of my little 3/2... her reaction was to cross her arms, roll her eyes and huff, literally huff out loud. ~ I used to try to ignore her (after I spent years of reacting badly to her antics)... now... I look her square in the eye and ask her things like " Is that YOUR truth or mine?" when she tries to cut me down... It has shut her up.. it took a few years but she's stop cutting at me every time I see her. I can't tell you one time in my life she has ever said anything nice to me. And I think it really is HER truth that causes it.
    ShelbyShareAlot

    Answer by ShelbyShareAlot at 1:01 AM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • The key is putting up some boundaries. I agree with what ShelbyShareAlot did...you obviously want this to change so be firm with her and grow some balls (I say this kindly!). Make it clear that you will no longer be spoken to that way and that you feel her behavior is unacceptable and rude by telling her exactly that. Then let her know that you'll be seeing less of her if it doesn't change. If your honesty and bluntness don't at least make her realize how serious you are, you've still been assertive and acting in YOUR truth. If she's a super bitch and doesn't bat an eyelash, she probably doesn't deserve to have a relationship with you anyway. That kind of negativity just sucks the life out of me and I don't want my son around it so we don't see my mother very often these days. I had to have a very painful conversation with her and set MY boundaries recently and it has made our relationship very uncomfortable and awkward now.
    ShainaMay

    Answer by ShainaMay at 1:24 AM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • I guess direct the conversation to something positive. When it turns negative, cut it short or make it clear if the communication is going to continue she will need to behave and observe your wishes to keep the focus light and enjoyable.
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 1:27 AM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • my mom like that too I just keep her in my prayers...
    smiley745

    Answer by smiley745 at 1:27 AM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • This sounds like my grandmother...good luck!
    jspenny2705

    Answer by jspenny2705 at 10:08 AM on Apr. 8, 2011