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Rollercoaster... please help.

I started an adoption plan for my baby a few months ago. I didn't make it to the profile part of family searching I put things on hold. I have a young one whos only 15 months and I put things on hold for the unborn baby bc I know I have enough love for her but I see my family struggling and well its complicated. I love things how they are now. I don't feel as bad when I think about adoption I dont mean to be cold hearted in any way. It was like I just needed to take a beak from thinking about adoption and what I came out of from the babys father. Counsling, assistance all that is helping but still.... I just want to keep my child safe from her abusive, game playing, piece of poo father(who i am not with havent been for a long time) I feel people look down on moms for adoption but I would do it out of love. I know there are some wonderful mom-to-bes on here and people who are seaching. You guys are the ones I want to help.

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Asked by mocamomma22 at 5:35 PM on Nov. 30, 2008 in Adoption

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Answers (17)
  • I am an adoptive mom, we have two beautiful children, son 4 1/2 and a daughter just turned 1. I hold a lot of love and respect for my chidrens' birth parents. We have met our son's birth mom and received pics and letters from his birthfather. We never met our daughters birthparents. I send pics and letters as to what was asked of me to do.
    Follow your heart and God Bless you.

    Answer by chuggerboysmom at 6:19 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • Not certain what your question is, so I will wing it. No matter why you decide on adoption for your child, there will always be plenty of people who will judge you harshly. There will be others who tell you how unselfish and brave you are. However, YOU will probably judge yourself harsher than anyone else, maybe not right away, but eventually. And, how you will feel about it later on is what is most important.

    As a mother who long ago relinquished a child to adoption, I have come to realize that placing a child for adoption often creates more problems than it resolves. Wanting to help others is a good thing, but giving your child to others to raise is often far more painful to deal with over a lifetime than most women can ever imagine. If you love your child, there are others way better than adoption to protect it. Adoption is no guarantee of anything.

    Answer by Southernroots at 7:45 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • you are a brave woman and i give you a lot of credit. You sound at peace with your choices. as an adoptive mom, i can say THANK YOU to you for your courage.

    Answer by lovinallofthem at 8:41 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • Hi.
    My husband and I are hoping to adopt.
    If you go to my profile page and look under birthstory on my journal you'll see our story.
    I'd love to speak to you.

    Answer by Jill42721 at 9:29 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • I just worry about afer I cant take anything back.... I want to lov emy son like he needs too. But not dwell on givin up my baby girl. I wanna move on and it scares me bc so many people seem to regret it is there anyone who hasnt?

    Answer by mocamomma22 at 9:30 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • First, I would say that helping an couple become parents is not a good reason to make an adoption plan. As much as I wanted to be a parent and want to be a new parent again, I do not want someone to place because they want to help me.
    I want them to make an adoption plan because they have looked at parenting and all the resources available to them. I want them to determine that it is not possible in any way, shape, or form to parent. If they are able to parent (and maybe even struggle for a couple of years), I would rather them parent.

    Answer by luckyshamrock at 9:45 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • cont. We have 2 daughters who we adopted at birth. Both mothers completely examined parenting and we talked about them parenting. At this point of time, they do not regret their decision. But, they are sad at times. It does affect their lives, but they would not change the decision. However, the girsl are young and that can change. I have seen many stories of birthmother regretting the decisions the longer the time passes.
    I don't think you are cold-hearted for not wanting to change the sitaution as it is. Parenting 2 little ones is hard enough. If the situation is best for you to make an adoption plan, maybe you are being realistic and not cold-hearted.

    Answer by luckyshamrock at 9:45 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • I agree with most of the view points on here. I am a birth mom of a wonderful little 12 year old angel. I placed her at birth, and knew from the time I found out I was pregnant that this was the way I had to have it. Everyone in my family wanted me to keep my daughter, but I couldn't nor would I do to her what I never wanted her to experience. My belief and I still hold true to this today is that when I had children (that I raised) I wanted them to NOT have to be on welfare. Contrary to most, I DO NOT believe that this is a VIABLE option. I wanted my little baby to have the life that she deserved, and that wasn't with me, I had nothing (other than all my love) to give to her, and for me that wasn't enough.

    Answer by smilinghug at 1:15 AM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • cont.
    Can I say that I don't regret it....YES. Can I say that I wish things could have been different...YES. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish that I could have my angel here with me, that I could've been there for her first everything, then I see her pictures, I get her letters, and my heart is firm on my decision. Is that the case for everyone NO...and I mean NO. There are more horror stories than happy endings, but the only person who can decide is you. This is YOUR baby, it's YOUR life. You have to choose what to do.

    Answer by smilinghug at 1:15 AM on Dec. 1, 2008

  • cont.
    I do have a few tid many have said, do YOUR research, make sure that you understand what you are doing by giving your child away. Understand that no matter what the "adoptive parents" promise, they have no obligation to keep those promises, once you sign papers your asked out. Make sure that this is what is BEST for ALL parties, that means: YOU, THE BABY, YOUR OTHER CHILD. Remember that this will affect your 15 month old GRAVELY....when you already have a natural born child and surrender a new child this affects them because they have a constant feeling of....if I do something will she give me up too???

    Answer by smilinghug at 1:18 AM on Dec. 1, 2008

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