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Having a hard time doing thank you notes for funeral....

SO I lost my mom suddendly...so unexpected...It's been 3 weeks now since the funeral...I'm having a really hard time doing thank you notes....So is it okay until I'm ready to do them to post a thank you on facebook in my status line or not?

 
girliemom0406

Asked by girliemom0406 at 11:31 AM on Apr. 8, 2011 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 24 (18,769 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • WHY do you need to send thank you notes??

    Thank you notes are usually sent to people who make monetary donations to the family or any charity they've requested donations for in lieu of flowers, not for everyone who happens to attend. It's partly for courtesy, and partly so they know it was received and didn't walk away during the ceremony or lost somewhere along the way.

    In the meantime, put something on your fb just to acknowledge them, and take dull's advice - enlist some help to get them written, and just keep them simple. It also helps not to think about WHY you're doing them and just involve yourself in the process, let it be kind of meditative. You're stressing yourself out more by worrying about them, so you'll feel better when they're done.
    NotPanicking

    Answer by NotPanicking at 3:31 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • When my parents died I had notes out within a month or so. It's difficult, but it's also a part of the process. Let yourself feel the pain. You can't get past it until you go through it. No one is going to get snippy per se, but it is mandatory and you'll feel better when it's behind your...really. Here's a link to a how to

    adnilm

    Answer by adnilm at 12:26 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • You shouldnt feel obligated to send thank you notes if you arent ready or dont want to.

    Saying thank you at the time was enough and adding it to your FB type accounts is also nice. Noone should expect a note especially when they know you are having a hard time right now.
    Amaranth361

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 1:13 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • I have only ever received thank you notes when I've sent flowers or helped the family out in some way. I don't think anyone would expect thank you notes for simply attending a funeral service, although I do think it's a nice gesture for those who did send something or offered help. But if you are having trouble writing them right now, just put them aside and take care of them when you can. I'm certain everyone would be understanding of your need to grieve right now. I'm sorry for your loss.
    KelleyP77

    Answer by KelleyP77 at 1:16 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • I am sorry for your loss.

    We only did thank you notes for people who brought something or made a donation in the deceased's name. Just for attending, or coming to pay you a visit it really isn't needed.

    Can you find a friend to help you? When FIL died I did the majority of them for DH and MIL and there were a lot. I did them for my grandmother because I knew my mom would never do them. In the meantime, do one or two here and there. Take your time. No one really expects it, but the courtesy does warm the heart.
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 4:20 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • You can do that. Every thank you note does not have to be hand written. You can get a form card that has a pre written thanks for your support/comfort during this difficult time and just sign your name. Posting on FB status would be ok, or you can post it to each person's wall so you know they will see it.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 11:33 AM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • Okay, so just to ease some of that stress . . . I have been to alot of funerals, unfortunately . . .some for kids, even . . .and noone has sent a thank you. I haven't expected it, either.

    When I go to a funeral, I feel like it is my job to go, and then call in a week or so to check in to see if the family needs anything.

    It is not always expected of you to write thank-yous. . . .especially because you are grieving. I wouldn't expect you to . .. .

    Hugs. I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers for you and your loved ones during this really hard time.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 11:38 AM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • There is no time limit for those notes. I went to a wake/funeral in November and I don't expect to get a note. I have been to wakes where I did not get one until 6 months have passed. people don't expect them,they know u and your family r grieving.
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 11:49 AM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • I personally never expect thank you notes regarding funerals (although everyone loves getting thank you notes). You've got enough going on. No one's going to get snippy because you were grieving and didn't bother with thank you notes. Talking to people directly has always been easier for me, personally - even if it's just a quick email/FB message to say "Thanks for coming to the funeral" etc.
    *hugs* So sorry about your loss.
    CPCrane

    Answer by CPCrane at 12:03 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • if you feel you are lagging in getting them out, grab a good friend and have her/him do them for you.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 12:32 PM on Apr. 8, 2011