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Suggestions for forgiveness?

My parents were married for 22 yrs. They divorced when I was 19, grown with a baby of my own. My dad remarried less than a year later. Our(my sibs and I) relationship has been lets say constipated with his "new" wife over the past 19 yrs. She has been odd, at times rude and pissy because we didn't want to let her play step mommy when we were grow and had families of our own...and we have a mother thank you.

Anyway, 2 yrs ago July 5th, my dad wanted to go for a swim in their built in pool. His wife said the water was too cold, turned on the heater and went inside to eat lunch. My dad got in the pool..and we will never really know what happened next, but 45 minutes later she hears her name being screamed by the neighbors as the are pulling my dad who was found floating face down in the water, out of the pool. Words cannot express the depth or my sorrow.
The day he died, she started talking about money, and how she didn't know what was in the checking and she hadn't paid an electric bill in years...before the coroner even took him away! She took complete control of the funeral, we sat BEHIND her and her two kids at the funeral home service. Once she was ready she called us to his house to let us have some of his things. She had them in piles by the front door, never let us any further in than the foyer. I asked for one specific thing from his desk at work, she told me NO.
He left us 10k a piece, she gave us each 7, keeping 9 for herself. I have not spoken to her since the day I got the check in the mail. My brother is so pissed he can't see straight.

I pray for the ability to forgive and let this go, but I am sooo not feeling it. I am angry, I am hurt, and (I know this is sick, but I even thought to myself, I am glad he is gone and she is alone and unhappy!) How how how do I get past this?

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salexander

Asked by salexander at 11:51 AM on Apr. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Level 26 (28,366 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Who was the executor of his estate? If his will said $10K then you need to get that amount, not what she gave you. She shouldn't be doling out his money at her whim. Hire an attorney and get your money.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:04 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • I don't think God wants you to be a victim of a theft so I don't see a need to forgive her for stealing. Just try to get it back. If that doesn't work then you may have to forgive. It took me years to forgive the guy who embezzled everything I got from my dad. I sued him but he left the state so I lost everything. Remember the forgiveness is for you not her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • My cousin is an attornery..and a very good one. He said my dads will was what they call a "trust" and that basically we are screwed, or we can fight and spend the money we lost and get nothing in the end..but the satisfaction of calling her on her crap!

    I am sooooo angry. I have a step daughter, I would NEVER dream of telling her she could not have something she requested as a memory of her father. I would NEVER make her sit like some second class citizen in the second row behind me and my kids at his funeral.

    She wants to play this victim and how horrible her life is now...well GOOD I SAY! How does she think we feel?

    I want to let this go...but it eats me up. I know he "loved" her, but she made some crack about having to go through the divorce with him and how horrible it was.
    EXCUSE ME??? THAT DIVORCE WAS BETWEEN MY PARENTS NOT BETWEEN MY FATHER AND THE 3 OF HIS CHILDREN. WE WERE THE VICTIMS IN THAT!
    salexander

    Comment by salexander (original poster) at 12:16 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • Think about how shitty your upbringing and morals would have to be to stoop as low as she has. She obviously was not raised with any class, empathy, or sense of dignity...if she was, there is now way that she would be able to behave that way.

    If forgiveness can come by blaming the way she is on "the best she is capable of, and that is sad", maybe you can get past some of the hurt. And, it isn't like you have to deal with her now. The forgiveness would be just for you, not her.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 12:38 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • why would you want to forgive someone like her, she took money that was rightfully yours and your sibs, had you sit behind her like you guys didn't exist, let you have some things after she went thru it and i'm sure she made sure her kids got the good stuff. i know they say if you are christian you should always forgive, well yeah but some people don't deserve it, because they are pure evil. If you don't plan on seeing her anymore and not having her in your lives i wouldn't worry about it. in due time karma will eventually hit her somehow.
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 1:47 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • I'm so sorry that she did this to you and your siblings. Horrible!! I have an evil step Mom and I am sure that she would be the same way. I admire that you want to forgive her, and you know, in time I think you can. If you hold on to the bitterness of "hating" her, it will eat you up and you'll never move on. Just remember...Time heals all wounds, and I am sure that in time (whether that be a year, two years, three years, etc.) you will be able to forgive her. You may never forget what happened, but forgiveness is key, and I think you're right on for wanting to forgive her. I say right now, just give yourself time.
    My_Guys_Rule

    Answer by My_Guys_Rule at 2:27 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • I'm sorry for the loss of your father. His wife is a bitch, a thief, a liar, and an uncaring hateful, ugly person. You may never get past how you feel about her and in my book that's okay. She treated you and your siblings horribly and I would pray everyday that in the end she will reap what she's sown and again that's okay, God can handle prayers like that. I also would have to tell myself that nothing I say or do can or will change the past, it is what it is, except I might ask God in that above prayer to change my heart and mind. Not saying I would, but maybe somewhere down the road I might have a change of mind. Hopefully you will never see or hear of her or from her ever again...I hate her and I don't even know her. KARMA, what goes around comes around, and the golden rule..in the end she's TOAST.

    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 3:14 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

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