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Who was in the right? And was she out of line?

I have been trying to up my daughters sleep time from whenever she wants (10:30-1:00 am) to a set 10:00. Shes 28 months. She has been screaming and crying since 10 and its now 12:40. Weve tried cuddling, going to sleep with her, walking around with her in our arms, we checked on her countless times but she just did not want to go to sleep.

My mom came in (we split a house, theres two suites and we pay half of everything and have separate food and fridges) to our living room and said " if she keeps crying do you mind if i go in there and cuddle her?" i say no, she HAS to learn that bedtime is bedtime and theres no getting out of it since this is the 3rd night this has happened (we go in to check on her and she usually stops after about 5 min) but the last two nights its been 1+ hour of screaming pissy fits just because she dosent want to sleep. And my mom says this.

If you dont go in there and get her, I will regardless of what you say.

I snapped. I said NO. YOUR NOT. YES, I AM and we get into a screaming match and at one point i believe i said i dont care if your the fucking queen of sheba, shes still my kid, not yours, so what my DH and i say goes.

Who was right?

And BTW she could only hear her when she went into the kitchen. She was in the living room the whole time for the most part. And she did finally go to sleep when DH went riding around with her n she passed out in the carseat. I asked this question last night but would like more opinions. AND WE DO HAVE A NORMAL ROUTINE!!!! HER bedtime has been 10 for TWO YEARS. This is totally out of the bule and im trying to get her to grow out of it.


Asked by shortycmlb at 12:39 PM on Apr. 8, 2011 in Relationships

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Answers (16)
  • I had the same problem with my daughter. She was going to sleep at 11 and I stopped that last summer. She was 2 1/2 years old and the way I stopped it was by putting her in her bed and staying with her for a little bit by reading her a book sometimes 2. I would walk out of her room turn the nightlight on and leave the hallway light on. She would cry but then after a week she would go right to bed. Now she goes down without a problem and she is almost 3 1/2 years old. As for your mother you definatly need to put your foot down. She doesn't need to get herself involved. If she goes in there it will just confuse your daughter and she will think if she cries like that everynight then grandma will come to the rescue. Good luck!

    Answer by Mom1127-0125 at 12:56 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • First off, taking your daughter in a car ride to get her to sleep at a certain time, won't do a thing, she needs to learn to fall asleep on her own in her crib...

    As for your argument with your mom. Your right in the sense that she is your daughter. You are only doing what you feel is best for her. And your mom needs to see that. I think I would apologize for being so harsh, but also let her know, that you are her parents, and this is what is going to happen. I'd let her know that you plan on putting her down every night at 10, so she might hear her crying. I'd also look up so. Info on the crying it out method and show your mom...

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 12:43 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • your child needs to learn to sleep yes and if she is crying for so long i'm sure she can't but help feel bad for her. You are right but granny wants to help somehow.

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 12:41 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • Well, I guess you're both right. I agree with your mom as far as letting her cry that long. i would never let my child cry for over an hour especially if it isn't something she normally does. But it is your child and your choice so I agree your mom needs to let you make the decision as to how to handle it.

    Answer by MrsMWF at 12:42 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • cont
    try to bear with grandma. she loves your daughter too, and it's not as easy to do as mommy wants as we would always like.
    I'd have a talk with your mom and see if you can work it out. If you can't, you may want to consider moving. or figure out a way to keep grandma in her own place on nights like this.

    is there any material that you can give her to read to support what you're doing? maybe she just needs a little education on the subject to make her feel better about it.

    you both love your little girl and it's hard on both of you sometimes, but I really applaud you on making you feelings clear about what you want up front. My aunts mommy would get mad (it appeared) say that what I was doing was great, then send me nasty emails about it weeks later! Good for you for making your feelings clear..
    good luck!

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 1:27 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • Do u have a babyswing? Kids that age love motion. Did u try warm milk?

    Answer by dancer at 12:43 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • I'm a pretty firm believer in the "crying it out" method, but I also realize that some kids cannot handle this. I believe you both to be in the wrong for the screaming match (although I would have probably done the same thing), but you are correct. That is YOUR child, not your mother's. She should respect your decisions on how to raise your child, unless you are physically/emotionally harming said child.

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 12:43 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • I think it is normal for the grandma to offer to hold a baby when th parents are trying to teach the child something. I know my mom ouwld have done the same as your mom except she crossed the line saying she would go against your wishes. You probably snapped back because you were tired and frustrated. I dont think driving around ot put a child to sleep is a better solution then having to rock her. Both are habits that have to be broken. i dont think you and your mom are either too far off base I just think that is what happens between parents and grandparents.

    Answer by ria7 at 12:43 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • dancer. i would.....but shes two lol. and we tried warm milk and rubbing her back

    Comment by shortycmlb (original poster) at 12:48 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • The little one is winning. She should not go riding, or slept with. Have a routine. A quiet bath, a story, prayers and a kiss, tuck her in. Then sit and ignore her until she goes to sleep. The Nanny suggests that you might sit in the room with your back to her. Do not give her attention. When you give her attention it is just teaching her that crying and fussing works.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 12:48 PM on Apr. 8, 2011