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I love her sooo much, I don't want to see her hurt.

After all week of looking for my dd bio dad, I found him. He said he doesn't want to see her. He went on with his life. Now he has two dd that he takes care of. He has never cared about my little girl. She is getting older and feels that she needs to know him. I don't know if I can tell her what he said. I know I don't want to tell her that he said his two girls are his only kids. My dd has always wanted a sister. She has three brothers, so if I tell her that she has two younger sisters, shes going to want to meet them. She already left two message on his fb as well as his new wife fb. He doesn't care how she feels, how do I tell her he is never going to be there for her. And will always be a deadbeat dad. Mind you, she is searching and wants to keep searching. I don't think shes going to believe me. And if she does then she might be sad, hurt, upset, or worse mad at me. She tells me that I kept him away, but that as never been the case.


Asked by Kimberly71682 at 3:44 PM on Apr. 8, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 17 (3,993 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • we had the same situation with my cousin. Her bio dad didn't want to claim her, so her mom kept it from her 'until she asked' she was over 30 before the truth came out. I wouldn't recommend that.

    she's asking now, maybe you should just tell her the truth, that he's got a new life and that's the way he wants to keep it. I can't see keeping the truth or lying to her being the way to go.

    here is another thought, is there a way that perhaps she can find the sisters through facebook? In truth, they may not want to know her either, but she very well may have luck with the sisters. Just because he's a d*ck doesn't necessarily mean that the girls can't know each other.
    how does his new wife feel about it? she probably can't force him, but maybe if she gave the OK to the girls.
    I may be living in la la land with my suggestion, but it's so crazy it may work.
    prepare her for any reaction.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:08 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • My biodad was quite content with his new wife and 3 kids and didn't give a damn for me either. I first contacted him when I was 15 and he never sent anything back.. So when my half-brothers/sisters were adults, I contacted them. They didn't know anything about me cuz biodad was a jerk, but since I've met them, they have become a very big part of my life. I would tell her that you found him. Keep being honest with her. Let her see the conversation you had with him. It may hurt her, but knowing the truth is a step closer to getting over it. These is a hard time for her, just be there for her and let her know that no matter what you'll always love her and nothing can ever take that away. Good luck.

    Answer by bdflykisses at 3:52 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • tell her the truth he is a low life jerk and she doesnt deserve that

    Answer by kylansmommy09 at 3:47 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • She will find out eventually. Yes, she will be hurt and angry. But you can't protect her forever. I'm sorry momma. I'm sorry your ex is such a douchebag

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 3:53 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • I think it would be worse if you lie to her. How old is she? I know it will hurt at first, but eventually she will be able to live with it. If you can get him on the phone and make him tell her his self, then you aren't the bad guy. I hope everything works out.

    Answer by momoftaterbug at 4:32 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • How did he tell you this? If you have it in writing or in email then show it to her. But do not, whatever you do, bad mouth him. That's like insulting her. Just tell her you're sorry and let her grieve in your arms.
    If it was a phone call, tell her what he said and if she want's let her call him and hear it from him. You can't protect her from the pain, but you can be there for her. You might also promise to keep tabs on him so that when her sisters are older she can contact them directly.
    Also, if you don't want her to think you kept him from her, then don't.

    Answer by onethentwins at 5:33 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • You need to be honest with her and then help her deal with her emotions in a healthy way. Talk to the school counselor about ways to talk to your daughter about this.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:51 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • You need to tell her the truth or she will find out anyone through other sources, and it would be better if it came from you, but make sure you got something to back up your claim.

    Answer by older at 8:29 AM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • i would put the letter away until she's older and ever asks. This way you have proof that you didn't keep him away...he chose that life.

    Answer by ItsJustMe1017 at 3:49 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • his girls are two and four, I looked at pictures of them. My dd looks just like them. Maybe when they get older, but I did leave his new wife a message too, but she hasn;t gotten back to me. I don't think she even know about my little girl until now.

    Comment by Kimberly71682 (original poster) at 4:29 PM on Apr. 8, 2011