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Why do I feel like this?

My husband and I split in July but were trying to work things out since then. I live in a different state then him with our daughter due to his job. Recently I got some information about his actions that I didn't like. I was supposed to be heading back out to where he is but because of it I didn't. After that I started receiving threats and since we had no legal agreement he would try to come take out daughter from me. It got pretty intense to the point where I had to hire a lawyer. Today my lawyer filed temporary custody, no contact order, and petition for a further divorce. I thought I would be happy but right now I feel so hurt that someone I love could have done so wrong to make me resort to this. My heart is breaking for so many reasons and I don't know how to get out of this feeling... Help?

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:50 PM on Apr. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Aw...hang in there. It's a tough spot! When I was going through all of that I wanted to be regards to visiting, parenting time, etc... because I don't hate him...but at the same time, I had to put all of that aside and focus on what was best for my girls.

    Good luck!

    Answer by cheekycherub at 5:53 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • Oh honey, I've been in a situation like that and the grief is grueling. I'm sure the question, "Why would he do this?" keeps going over and over in your head, but the truth is, you may never know why. I know from experience, you can spend days, months, even years going over it in your head, trying to get into HIS head, trying to understand WHY. But you never will, because you are not him. It takes a long time, but the sooner you let the "why" go, the more at peace you will be, and the less energy you will loose on this. Trust me. Once I made that realization...that was it. I felt so much better about it. He did it, it was done, he couldn't take it back. I will never know why, but what I DO know, is that it happened, I know how I handled it, and I know things got better in time. I'm not sure if this will help you, but it def. helped me. Good luck!

    Answer by CollegeMommy121 at 5:54 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • Change, whether good or bad, prepared for or not is tough. You'll get through it, sounds like you have your reasons. Keep your head up :)

    Answer by LoveBuggsMommie at 5:55 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • Hun what you need is a friend you can talk too and will listen 24/7 whatever you need. Your at the hardest part of your journey right now. In awhile you will look back and laugh (yes it's true). I was in a bad emotionally abusive relationship and I felt betrayed, Unloved and alone. I took up a hobby to take my mind off of things (online gaming at the time) and I met some people who were really nice and I felt I could talk to. It aws easier not having to look at them when I felt so ashamed of myself. Also if I didn't feel comfortable I could just log off. or disconnect from thesocial group. It's important for you to stay in touch with friends, family and the people who care about you. If your soon to be ex is showing this type of bahavior now just think what it would have been had you stayed. Marriage is difficult, people change and sometimes counseling isn't enough. YOU need to stay strong for your daughter right now..

    Answer by ladyarisffxi at 5:56 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • his actions caused you to have to take control. there is a pwoer struggle going on and it sounds like he has all self control and he is acting irrirational. consider how his feelings are getting the best of him. so it seems by the wya he is acting. he is only trying to hurt you cause he feels you hurt him. this is a very unhealthy situation for either of you to be in or dealing with, but most of all for your daughter. be strong and take time to relax and reflect on the future and not him so much. i know it's hard. i have been there but it's true time can heal all wounds if you let it. good luck

    Answer by melody77 at 6:40 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • It's very hurtful when this happens. My ex and I are now the same way. It's amazing how people change after a split up and how selfish they can be over all. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Over time, you will become hard to it and will accept it for what it is, which is sad, but very true. It took me at least a year of court to accept that him and I are on such bad terms. I never imagined being on such horrible terms with my child's father, but if they make it that way, there's nothing you can do really. You just gotta hold your own and always be the adult in the situation. Ya know ?? take care & good luck

    Answer by loudnproud87 at 6:53 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • Change hurts. There is a quote- "Change will come ONLY when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change." It's just a fact that change, little ones AND big ones hurt. You will heal in time- but you have to give yourself that time. I'm so sorry you're going though this, but at least you know now what your husband is capable of doing, and you're not in that bad place anymore. I hope you get to feeling better soon, Momma.

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 8:52 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • You need time to recover. It sucks being in this stage of separation. You dont feel like doing anything and you just want to cry...Well cry and get it out of your system. It will go away so don't worry. Time is on your side....

    Answer by Krisn4 at 9:49 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • You should probably get yourself into therapy to try to work through all these emotions. That is a lot for anyone to handle and a trained professional can hep you more than anyone on here can. GL!!!

    Answer by KateShesGreat3 at 1:33 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • well frist thing is to harm down think about your daughter and about him for get it fast hes no good well this is all goodby

    Answer by marivel718 at 3:50 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

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