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I know people say it is "normal" but my almost 3 year old has been touching herself..

It makes me feel really uncomfortable, she usually does it in the bathtub and I ask, "What are you doing baby?" And she laughs.

Where do kids learn these things from? I guess part of me is worried someone could be touching her and/or teaching her to touch herself.

I have talked to her about it, and that is her private area, no one is to touch it but her and mommy. She even tells me, "This is my private area. Only for you and me." When I ask her what she is to say if someone tries to touch her there, she replies, "No!"

I think she gets the concept, I just.. don't know.. I just need advice..


Asked by Anonymous at 6:50 PM on Apr. 8, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • It is absolutely normal and natural for a 3 year old to be touching herself, and doesn't necessarily mean that someone is touching her inappropriately. If you draw too much attention to it, it may become a bigger issue, but you can tell her that mommy only touches her private parts during potty time and she should only touch her private parts when she is alone in her room, that it is a private thing to do....I'm sure a 3 year old can grasp THAT concept.

    Answer by ShainaMay at 6:52 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • My 5 year old still plays with himself it's completely normal. They're learning about their body and how different parts work. My son knows no one is to touch him except mommy when helping with baths, and even then most the time he washes himself at this point. If we're in public and i catch it I nonchalantly say baby no, not ok. And he stops, and it doesn't embarrass him since no attention has been drawn. At home I'll say something along the lines of in your room please, and he knows what I mean. He either stops, or goes to his bedroom. Typically if he goes to his bedroom he falls asleep because this touching has become a soothing mechanism when he's tired. SO is 32 and I still have to remind him I don't enjoy seeing his hands down there all the time. It's a guy thing, i'm convinced they're checking to make sure it hasn't fallen off. Just gently tell your LO that's for private time in her room, and don't make a big fuss

    Answer by ba13ygrl1987 at 9:06 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • my son is almost 2 and plays with himself when his diaper is off... kids just do that. They are just curious about their body

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 6:52 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • My son is 9 months old and he plays with himself all the time. Its completely natural. If someone were touching your daughter she would have told you by now or wouldnt be doing it at all. If it makes you uncomfortable tell her its okay for her to do it but not in front of people. Tell her its a private thing for her and her only.

    Answer by anthonys_mom21 at 6:54 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • Every child goes through this and they don't have to learn about it anywhere. It happens by accident. They touch it or rub it on something and realize 'hey. that feels pretty good, I think I'll do that more often...' Just teacher when and where it is okay to touch herself along with what you have already taught her about others seeing/touching.

    Answer by But_Mommie at 6:59 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • all of my kids done it. its normal. i asked the doctor about when Emily was little and doing it and he told me that it is completely normal.

    Answer by caseymarie at 7:23 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • I had two girls and didn't see any of this, but went through it with a niece, and was told is totally normal...

    Answer by older at 6:56 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • I think she is acting very normal. I don't think there are any signs of abuse. It is normal for all kids. It feels good. They all do self-discovery. I did when I was 3-5 and nobody was touching me inappropriately. I think she is also doing it appropriately if it is in the bath. If she were doing it in public you might have to remind her that it is for the bedroom/bathroom. But, she isn't. I understand it makes you feel uncomfortable because you are associating it with sexuality, but it isn't sexual. It's a normal developmental milestone and nobody has to teach her to touch that part of her body anymore than they have to teach her to touch any other part of her body. It's not any different to kids. I think if she were being abused, she'd actually be more private about her vulva because her abuser would be inserting shame and secretiveness to that area. She sounds perfectly normal, Mama, you can relax.

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 6:18 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • becase someone is showing her to do that and you must find out fast just ask her is there any one tell her to touch her self and she will tell you just pray alot go to chruch with her to show her the word of god every sunday and you will see she will stop touching her self well this is all god bless you both

    Answer by marivel718 at 4:42 PM on Apr. 9, 2011