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Have you ever felt this way?

So I have been married for 10 years this coming November. We have 3 children together. almost 1 yr old 5 yr and 9yr old. I've felt like just a room mate for a while. I know we both care and love for each other deeply but there is no affection, emotions yoda yoda yoda. Yes of course when it comes to love making or just plain sex there is kissing cuddling and everything. But geez once its over its over. A woman needs to have more. you know what i mean. show me you care for me. walk in from work ask me about my day. I try on my end so much that it just seems frustrating now. What do I do? If I try and talk about any of this with him it's called me "whining" and "nagging" him to death. I hate when men say that to us. It drives me up the wall. If they "knew" how we felt or even stopped to ask and actually listen we wouldnt have to whine and nag!!!


Asked by Anonymous at 9:49 PM on Apr. 8, 2011 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • Always have a surprise for your husband so that his ego can stir up, in anything even in making love with him.

    Answer by Sew-sun at 10:19 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • Yes. I feel that way. :( I miss being really loved.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:51 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • i have been going thru the same thing since he has gotten back from deployment i feel like more of room mates than lovers he is all nice when he wants sex but after that it's back to the room mate thing the only difference with me is that when i bring it up he says that he is sorry and will try to change but id making no effort and i am sick to death of hearing people say well give it time he needs to adjust!! well so do we and i have WAY TO PATIENT long enough for him to "adjust" to being back home fro christ sake and we have four kids that are going thru the same thing. So i am sorry that i dont have any real advice to give you but i wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Maybe some couples therapy would help? i have brought this up numerous times to my hubby and he thinks that i should go first and then we'll go together which to me code for i think thats bullshit and im not gonna do it. good luck hun!!

    Answer by amberpaiz at 9:56 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • I completely understand. I'm having the same problem. He wants sex, but when its over, it over. No talking, no cuddling, and yet he wonders why I'm not in the mood more often.. DUH!!! I am in the same boat, so I don't know what the solution is, but just wanted to let you know you're not alone!

    Answer by gutterflower585 at 10:00 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • So many guys are clueless. I'm in the middle of teaching the APPRECIATE ME lesson myself! I think it's a lost cause though! lol

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:14 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • Maybe you should try "Marriage Encounter" could help you rediscover each other and help you communicate. It is an amzing thing---a weekend with other couples in which you get to know each other better than you ever did.
    Here is their website:

    Answer by minnesotanice at 10:21 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • I do know that feeling, I've been there. At least when they tell us that we are whining and nagging that they are paying attention. I know that it shouldn't be this way. If they just listened the first time we tell them something, then we would have it made.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:49 AM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • It is hard with small kids - I remember lots of resentment along the way - i wrote a couple letters to him that i never gave him, but saved. I just don't think all men are wired like we are and the empathy thing is not natural for them. Maybe just give him one thing to do or one way to change and he could work with that? Men really are not like us - they just don't get it (most of them anyhow, there are exceptions!) I love my husband, but really, he thinks of himself first, always. I never do that, never did that. And I still love him - he treats me well and i have to say that after 17 yrs it is getting better. It was tough around 8 - 12 yrs with the young kids because you are so drained! Mine are teens now and the marriage is stronger.

    Answer by got2boyztoo at 2:09 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

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