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What would you do / say ?

I have a very close friend ( we have been friends for over 10 years) ... she is "engaged", has 2 boys and lives with this guy who she argues with all of the time... I know she is unhappy, but in turn, he does treat her decent - he doesnt go out and party, doesnt go around other women, works hard ( he has a hard labor job) so she can stay home with the boys... she always tells me about their problems and I try to talk to her and make her realize what i have realized..... The only time they have big arguments is when she starts them because she isnt happy --- she isnt happy because she is always 'stuck at home" ...

I understand her wanting to go out and have fun because she is young ( we are both 23) ... but she constantly talks about leaving him ....


I just would like to smack her upside the head ( not literally) and make her realize that if she leaves him her and the boys would have to go live with her mom in a drug infested neighborhood ( and her mom talks all the time about how she doesnt like kids - and prefers to only see her grandkids on holidays)... she wont work because she doesnt want to leave her kids with anybody ( she has also said this ) ....

I care about her and i dont want her to make a big mistake and leave her childrens father who actually treats her good for some " fun time" ( which i am not sure how she would get it if she lives with her mom, because then she wouldnt have anyone at all to watch the boys) ....

At first I assumed that she wasnt telling me everything but this has been going on for a year and she just goes on and on about how she wants to do "young stuff" and have some time away .... I just dont know what to tell her ./..

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:29 PM on Apr. 8, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • She is overly immature and needs to grow up. You are a good friend to be looking out for her welfare like this.

    I think unfortunately nothing you say or do will make one iota of difference...in fact the more you say, the more she will want to have the freedom and do the opposite...most likely.

    Sad thing is, she is really ungrateful because she is not mature. She is probably going to have to learn the hard way, when she has lost it all chasing after her youth rather than taking care of her family. Very sad indeed.

    Really, he should pull in the purse strings and make her find her own way for 4 weeks. She would have to get a job and find childcare and that might just snap her out of her fantasy world. That is the only thing I can think of that will help this situation.



    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 11:37 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • I'd tell her that if she wanted to go out and do "young stuff", she shouldn't have had kids young.
    DusterMommy

    Answer by DusterMommy at 12:02 AM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • Yes, it is certainly unfortunate that she entered into a marriage and had children and wasn't grown-up enough to understand that her partying days were over. She does sound immature and childish. I feel sorry for her husband and children. They deserve better.

    It is good that she has you to talk to and try to bring some sense into all this. She can still have fun and be a wife and mother. Her "fun" is just not solely centered around herself, but her family. It sounds like she has a husband that wouldn't mind if she went out w/her friends to have "girl time", but she would have to remember that she is a married woman now and can't go crazy! I do know young women w/children that are involved in a ladies group in church and they are good role models. Maybe you can suggest that. If she's wanting to go out and party, as in getting drunk and getting all crazy, then that is not a good thing. Best wishes for her.
    etexmom

    Answer by etexmom at 12:04 AM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • WELL I AM A STAY AT HOME MOM AND I UNDERSTAND HER BEING TIRED OF STAYING AT HOME ALL THE TIME BUT I LITERALLY HAD TO TEACH MY HUSBAND THAT ON FRIDAYS IT SHOULD BE ME AND HIM TIME AND ON SATURDAYS ITS MY TIME AND ON SUNDAY ITS FAMILY TIME AND THAT HAS HELP ME OUT ALOT EVEN THOUGH I LOOK FORWARD TO THE WEEKEND BUT ALSO I GO OUT WITH MY SON WE GO TO THE PARK OR WALK IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD SO IM NOT JUST IN THE HOUSE
    cola22

    Answer by cola22 at 12:09 AM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • She had her fun when she made those babies now she needs to take care of them. If she won't leave her kids with anyone, how does she expect to go out?

    Maybe there is a solution. Maybe she should compromise with SO about going out 1 night a month but.....she needs to return the favor.
    huntin_mama

    Answer by huntin_mama at 12:23 AM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • Have a heart-to-heart talk. As a dear friend, you had feel what she is suffering. Why? make the suffering there is a choice to be happy.
    Sew-sun

    Answer by Sew-sun at 10:11 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • well she is 23 years old she could take hs at home for a low cost on the computer and get her collage degree that will keep her busy also she has to take to her boyfriend and tell him lets go out to the park or for a party and he will under stand you will see just try it with him and he will like it well this is all goodby
    marivel718

    Answer by marivel718 at 2:51 PM on Apr. 13, 2011

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