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3 Bumps

I dont know what to do...or if I even have a right.

my husband has a 20 yr old son. He lives with us. My husband pays for eveything for him. including cell phone. he used to work a couple days a week and today decided to quit. I am just tired of his attitude. He doesnt help with anything and then if you ask him he does it half way. He comes and goes as he wants. He has no respect for his dad. I try to talk and help but hisband says i just nag and complain and is sick of it. I am sick of his son being lazy and rude. I dont know what to do. I am starting to hate this kid and resenting my husband I really feel lonely and lost

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:38 PM on Apr. 8, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (15)
  • talk to your husband about how its making you feel towards him. it shouldn't strain your relationship.

    Answer by agallo004 at 11:39 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • Counseling may help for both you and your husband, just to have a neutral place to talk it out.

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 11:43 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • Have a FAMILY meeting and talk to BOTH of them at the same time. Other than that, there is not much you can do.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:43 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • I'm sure must be frustrating specially since he is not your son. Talk to your husband about helping your stepson to find a company/organization where he can volunteer. Or another option to encourage him to further his career going back to college.
    One of the things we learn in college is to take responsibility of our actions.

    Answer by MMXI at 11:49 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • all these comments are great. I have asked to meet with them both to talk and it never happens. I also suggested counseling and its a great idea and then blown off. and for example...tonight he comes home and pushes the question...why are you mad?? and when i tell him he gets mad at me and leaves the room and does his own thing with his other son 4 yo. I get to help with them both clean up cook pay for part of the bills but i get no say of how i feel. then im nagging i feel very sad and sick to my stomache. I am feeling like i have no option but to leave. im very scared that my marriage is ending

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:50 PM on Apr. 8, 2011

  • I would definitely sit down with the two of them so everyone becomes on the same page. Tell your husband that you are starting to resent that your home is turning into a flop house and that you don't think it is helping him to become a responsible adult in any way if bills are being paid for him and he feels free to quit jobs without having another one lined up. I would come up with something that you think is "fair" and puts some standards on the 20 year old adult child living at home. That he will put in 5 resumes a day and volunteer until he has a job. That no more frivolous items will be paid for by you...if he wants to do anything other than sleep somewhere dry and eat basic meals, then he better work for it. That he will have responsibilities in the house while he is living there. That sort of thing.

    Nothing I said is unreasonable to require of an adult.

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 12:00 AM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • thank you. Ive never been in this place before. I start to think that I am overstepping my bounds. I just know that he will soon start to think he can be disrespectful towards me and I wont go through that. Ive always taken care of myself and I have a hard time watching husband get mowed over and then tell me Im nagging about it. im being ignored now and feel uncomfortable.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:07 AM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • Talk to your husband about how you feel. I'm sure that he is probably disappointed in his son. How is their relationship? Tell him he needs to talk to him soon or your relationship may be in trouble.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:25 AM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • he is very disappointed in him. i totally understand that but he tralks and talks....nothing ever changes. we will be married 1 yr 0n may 23 its hasnt changed. he keeps saying it isnt over night....well how many nights till some change occurs?? i could go on about the things he does or doesnt do. If i acted like that to my parent i would not be here today! i just cringe when they are together! they dont care where they are either to just go at it.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:31 AM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • tell your hubby that if he's disappointed in his son, he cant let him walk all over everyone! Ask your hubby what he thinks he's teaching this 20 year old by paying for everything (including a cell phone). Talk to DH about a time frame for getting this mooch OUT of your house. You are NOT overstepping your boundaries, this is YOUR house too and you wouldn't have to say so much if your hubby had a backbone!

    Answer by purplerobin at 2:34 AM on Apr. 9, 2011

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