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I am mortified, my husband smacked our 2 year old so hard he left a mark!

it happened just a few minutes ago. she was fighting me on getting dressed because she wanted to wear her dora nightgown all day. so she was struggling with me to get dressed in her regular clothes, crying kicking and everything. i feel awful already because i lost my cool and TAPPED her leg, just to get her to stop fighting with me. it was a simple tap on the thigh, definitely not hard at all. but it didn't matter because she kept fighting. well he heard and came upstairs, and with an open hand SMACKED her shoulder/upper chest area. unbelievably it didn't phase her, she was already crying and didn't even seem to notice the hard smack. but after a few minutes, each finger print was visible on her skin, the whole area was red and there is a small deep red area that almost looks raised and burned. after she was calm i brought her to him and showed him the mark, and really chewed his ass out for it. i told him if you smack hard enough to leave a mark, that is child abuse. i was and still am very upset with him! he never hits her i dont understand why he hit her SO hard! he apologized to her and feels guilty and im hoping this is just a case of he didn't know his strength and lost his patience or something. it has been about half an hour since the incident and the mark is still there. i dont know what to do about this, let it go now that he's apologized or what? i am mortified!


Asked by Anonymous at 9:18 AM on Apr. 9, 2011 in Toddlers (1-2)

This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • If he doesn't ordinarily spank her, he may not have realized that he had swatted her that hard. It does take practice to get the "feel" for what is hard enough but not too hard. The thing is that he recognized that she was being disrespectful and disobedient to her mother and he intervened to try to do something about it. I think you should be seeing this for what it was. I also think you owe him an apology for chewing him out in the presence of the child. You just told her that she doesn't have to respect him either. Whenever there is disagreement about discipline, it should be handled privately between the parents and never in front of the child. You have now given her the impression that Mommy is always right and Daddy is always wrong, and she will not forget that fact. If you had spanked her thigh hard enough to get her attention, he would not have had to intervene. So I think you both are at fault here.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:25 AM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • Spanking is done on the backside over clothes by a parent who is in control of their emotions - not on a bare chest by an angry parent. Hitting a child is not spanking, there is a huge difference. Parents who don't spank can "lose it" just as easily as a parent who spanks.

    Answer by missanc at 9:24 AM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • This is what spanking does to people it can easily get out of hand......make sure it doesn't happen again!

    Answer by older at 9:21 AM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • As this was not on the buttocks, this was clearly not a spanking. If you choose to spank your child, it is your choice, but it should never happen in any other area other than the butt.
    I would talk to him about how he was feeling at that time and help him be aware of how he can get when he feels that way. Hopefully you will be able to avoid incidents like this in the future.

    Answer by layh41407 at 9:25 AM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • This is whi I do not agree with spankings, but I too learned the hard way. Of course I take alot of shit because of it but I think this is very easy to happen so I think we should wait to calm down ourselves and think about the appropriate action.We should never spank out of anger as this is often the result.

    Answer by Brandy928 at 9:21 AM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • i agree with most of what everyone has said spanking can get out of hand and i think everything will be fine just make sure everyone keeps thier cool

    Answer by rachel216 at 10:25 AM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • make sure it doesn't happen again because next time it could get worse.

    Answer by susaninman at 9:26 AM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • Wow it sounds like he just lost control of himself. It's good that you set him straight, because that's not ok. I hope he learned his lesson. When I was little, my dad got so frustrated once that hit me in the face so hard it made my nose bleed and he felt so guilty then he never hit me ever again..... ever. Sometimes people react with poor judgment, that doesn't make it ok, but hopefully he will learn from his mistake and think before he loses control again. If not you're gonna have some thinking to do....

    Answer by Namaste17 at 10:06 AM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • idk where you are, but the law in Missouri is that striking anywhere but the butt (and with the HAND only) is child abuse. I spank my son, but plan to stop by the time he is 4 b/c that's what's recommended. As long as you're consistent with warnings and spankings then it is a good tool. If you aren't consistent and spank too much or out of anger, it is a problem.

    Answer by armywife227 at 6:58 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • well this isn't really about spanking at all, we aren't spankers anyway. neither of us have ever actually spanked her on the bottom. i do agree that spanking is not child abuse when done right. this though i am afraid was child abuse and that scares me!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:25 AM on Apr. 9, 2011