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I screwed up... How long will it be before things are back to normal??

The whole story is really long so I'm goin to try & shorten this w/o losing anything important. I want to know what you would have done & if you think I should be begging for forgiveness?
I have a guy friend who I'm still madly inlove with and I've known him for 14 yrs. (FYI I'm married) I wrote a letter, that I planned on throwing away, to figure out what was going on in my head because I was confused. I wrote all of my feelings for him down then forgot to chuck it. Hubby found it & is very upset & feels betrayed. We fought & I figured out the hard way I don't want to lose him (hubby) so I called my friend and told him we can't talk anymore. Deleted his number, his mom's number, & a mutual friend on myspace. Hubby still doesn't believe me and thinks I just changd his name in the phone. How long will it take for him to be over it and trust me again?
Thanks Ladies Please no bashin the whole story isn't here
Update in red


Asked by Anonymous at 9:14 PM on Nov. 30, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • You made a mistake (by not throwing the letter away), I think you had every right to journal down your feelings...unfortunately your DH found it. You have done all you can do right now. You have called the guy, deleted phone numbers, ect.....I can understand your DH being hurt or whatever...but you didn't have an affair (I assume that info wasn't something you left out), or at least a physical affair....emotional affair could be in question. Anyway, point being...time can heal all wounds....sorry it happened right before the holidays....just keep to your word...don't call the guy or have contact with anyone who can get word back to him....keep your promises...that's all you can do.


    Answer by Southerncharmes at 9:20 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • Don't know what to say... It depends on the person. But it will probably take a while. see now you have hurt him, and he thinks that you don't want to be with him. Doesn't sound like you are talking too much, but maybe give him some time, and in a few days call him, and tell him how you feel!!! Guys are really into "EGOS" and you broke his. Something like this happened to me, kinda, not as abrasive, but it still bugs my husband, and I never even talked to the guy. My friend told him I was attracted to someone (while she was drinking late one night) To me it wasn't even that big of a deal, but.. Turned into a nightmare!! Good Luck!!!!!

    Answer by jennieo622 at 9:20 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • I guess to each there own as in forgiveness goes, if you are really truly sorry then show him (don't just tell him) but prove it. it may take a lot of work but he may get over it. just put yourself in his shoes and think of how you'd feel, he probably is very hurt not to mention pride/ego. give him time. good luck.

    Answer by workenmom at 9:20 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • Suggest to DH that you go to counseling. The important thing is you realize your mistake and are willing to make things right. He may never get over it though. You should be ready for that just in case.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:20 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • We have been talking about it off and on but I'm visiting my mom right now and we can't really settle things till I get back. He is doing better but still has a hard time with it here and there. I just was curious if anyone else has gone through this from either end. He has a hard time expressing his feeling like most men lol


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:23 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • Southerncharmes No i didn't have a physical affair with him thought about it but couldn't acctually do it. emotional affair I would say yes that happened I did tell him over the phone how I felt and he told me that he loved me too but he wasn't right for me because of all the drugs he's into and the life styl he lives. I know I could never be with him because I have my boys and they are not worth losing over some weed..


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:27 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • If you really want him back you just have to be patient with him. Let him feel hurt because his feelings are completely valid. Don't pressure him into getting over it. Let him ask all of the questions he needs and just be completely honest with him from here on. It will probably take a while.

    Answer by beckcorc at 9:27 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • Okay, understand. Just keep hanging in there and I wish you guys the best.

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 9:28 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • You have a right to your feelings and you had to work out your confusion. It's best to figure it out than to go through life wondering what you really want. He should be honored that you chose to stay with him but men don't think like we do. They say there are no accidents in life. That would mean that it was meant for him to read what you wrote. I think that lays a great foundation for building a strong relationship. He should have made it to where you never doubted your relationship with him. He's just as much to blame for your confusion. Together you can work it out.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:28 PM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • Oh DID get yourself in a mess didn't you. At least you know now that this friends relationship is not worth losing your husband. I'm glad that there was no physical relationship with him so maybe your husband doesn't have to carry that hurt around with him. Maybe since nothing happened, your husband will be willing to get over it sooner & will want to discuss on strengthening your marriage.(only time will tell) The only thing that I can say is to let him know that you are giving him 110 percent on making things right & as long as it takes. Enough "sorrys" wont make it right..You will have to prove this one. Good Luck, I wish you the best on saving your marriage.


    Answer by onespecialmom at 9:57 PM on Nov. 30, 2008