Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

My sister lost her week old baby girl last friday and i found out last thursday that i am preg. now i feel bad and i have told my familly but not her..

we are super close and i dont know how or when to tell her that i am pregnant....and it is making me super mad because her and her boyfriend are acting like nothing happend even though they just lost their baby

so how and when should i tell her that i am preg.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Apr. 9, 2011 in Pregnancy

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • i agree with most of these answers too i think that you need to tell her b/c she may have already inadvertinitly found out from other family members and it may hurt not finding out from you . That being said i can see that you are worried about telling her b/c you feel like it might be rubbing it in her face. While this is a rational emotion to have it wan't your fault for their loss and there is nothing you can do to change that.My advice is tell them and let it sink in and then maybe take a step back for a little bit don't tell them everytime you have a appt or find out something new about your little bundle of joy. Just gage how much you think they can handle and take it from there. you never know this could be a good thing for her to help her deal or it could be the exact opposite. As for them not acting like it happened trust me they know it happend and they could still be shocked and just not knowing what to say or do
    amberpaiz

    Answer by amberpaiz at 12:22 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • If you have told other family then you probably need to go ahead and let her know. My husbands son died at one week old and it took him awhile to work through it. They may not be showing signs outwardly yet because it is still new, but it will eventually hit her. If she finds out your are pregnant from someone else it might hurt her even more. I would just be 100% up front with her at this point.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:08 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • that is horrible, my bil an sil had a baby at 25 weeks the docs decided not to do anything (long story) baby lived for 39 minutes. they had a little girl. i just found out i was pregnant.. i felt so bad telling them but my husband told his brother and he was happy for us but i wanted to cry. my daughter was 8 months at the time they lost their baby and i didnt even want to go around them with my daughter i felt so bad.. but they were fine with it and what not..
    3HappylKidds

    Answer by 3HappylKidds at 12:10 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • it probably hasn't hit them yet. i can't imagine how devastated they must be. i agree with gemgem, just be honest and up front about your pregnancy. if anything it will give her something positive to focus on.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 12:11 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • I would tell her soon you dont want someone else to tell her because that might make her feel hurt that everyone else knew before her.. you could have a little get together with your hubby her and her bf and tell them that way.. Best wishes.. And Congrats on the new baby... Im so very sorry for her loss
    mommato2boys79

    Answer by mommato2boys79 at 12:15 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • The best thing to do is tell them. They will be happy for you. Some people act like death never happened, it's normal.
    MKSers

    Answer by MKSers at 12:16 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • You need to just tell her. She may feel hurt if she finds out you were hiding it from her. and don't be quick to judge. They may be acting like nothing happened, but do you know how your sister acts alone? Do you really know what she is feeling inside?
    But keep and open line with your sister. People who hide their emotions are much more likely to suffer depression in secret.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 12:21 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • sorry so long.. continuing... some people go on with their life and act like nothing happend b/c thats what they need to do to get thru it and keep their mind off thinking about it constantly. to other people that may come off as not caring b/c most peoples natural response when something like this happens is to break down completely give it time and try as much as possible to have compassion for them. But also don't let yourself feel so bada for them that you miss out on being excited about your pregnancy. I am just throwing this out their but maybe down the line when they have healed a little you could make them the godparents? it might mean a lot to them. sorry it's so long i just have experience in this about the people not acting like it happened and family shunning them b/c they thought they were heartless and it turned out that was just how they were dealing with it. i don't want that to happen to you guys!! good luck
    amberpaiz

    Answer by amberpaiz at 12:26 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • If you are super close and you keep this for too long and she hear it from someone else, she will probably be upset....maybe take her out for tea or a walk and then tell her.
    That what I would have done. Its not your fault that the baby died, so their is no reason to feel guilt
    johnsonbaby03

    Answer by johnsonbaby03 at 12:28 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • This same thing happened to me, I lost my son and at the same week my sister got pregnant with my now 8 year old niece and she kept it from me, she was afraid it would hurt me to know she was pregnant, well to be honest that didn't hurt what hurt was she felt she couldn't be happy and let me share on her joy, when I finally found out, I was hurt that she felt she couldn't tell me, I say give her some time to process everything that has happened to her and then tell her, and congrats momma!! and I am very sorry for your sisters loss. I know far to well what losing a child feels like!
    momto4girzls

    Answer by momto4girzls at 12:34 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN