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2 Bumps

Are we the only ones?

My husband and I are as far as family goes for our young children. My mom and I have never been close mainly because of her drinking problem and much more and my dad well, Its hard to even think of him as a father because he acts like a teenager (has drug problem). My older sister whom Im supposed to look up to is a drug user along with my younger sister who is only 17 and my brother who is 21. Yes every single one of them are either heroin users, methadone users, pain pill abusers, alcholics, you name it they probably do it or have done it. When I was a little girl (im 25 now) there was a movie that came out called Matilda with Danny Davito in it. She was the outcast of the family but in her case that was good because the rest of them were not very good people. Thats how I feal everyday but I thank God for letting me see that life can be whatever you make of it and thats how I get by even when I feel so lonely. Now my husbands mom passed away when he was only 16 (his parents were already divorced) and his dad met another women shortly after. You would think he would stick around for my husband considering he just lost the women who gave birth to him but no, he took off and would leave his 16yr old son for weeks at a time to go see this other women. They are now married and she has dragged him further away from my husband and his grandchildren so her and her girls can have a life for themselves without my husband. The 1st yr our son was born his dad was actually aloud to come over every weekend and we thought things were going so well and decided to move closer to him. A month after we moved to the same city as his dad, the step mom stopped coming around, so I emailed her asking if everything was ok. Make a long story short she said that just because we moved here doesnt mean aything has changed. Now my children see there grandpa that lives 15 min down the road maybe 3 times a year 4 if there lucky. I dont see why people have children if they just want to abandon them, do us a favor and dont have kids or atleast give us to someone who actually cares. Its my daughters bday tomorrow and shes turing one, the only people going to celebrate her birth are my husband and I and our 4 yr old son. I keep my little family very close to me, my husband and I go way beyond for our children because we feel that there is a huge void with them not having grandparents or any other family. We chose to homeschool as well which is the best decision I have made with our babys. I want everything for my family that my husband and I didnt have. I want a close knit family, parents that my children know love them and can always come to for anything. Its very sad neither of us have a mom and dad but I can only make sure our children do. I have not met one person that is in a similar situation where they have no extended family not even one person. Thats why Im asking

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LANDENSMOMMYlmk

Asked by LANDENSMOMMYlmk at 12:19 PM on Apr. 9, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,456 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • To not use paragraphs? yes.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 12:20 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • I don't have any extended family, just my mom.
    CollegeMommy121

    Answer by CollegeMommy121 at 12:25 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • I'm sorry your family is like this, I have very involved parents & inlaws, I hate that your families don't seem to care. but as long as you are their for your children that is all that matters, it will be mommy & daddy they remember being there for them.. try not to let it bother you (I know easier said than done)..
    momto4girzls

    Answer by momto4girzls at 12:25 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • Our situation is different because we do have extended family, but every single one of them lives a thousand miles or more away. My kids get lucky to see them once a year.. if we even get a chance to travel. Even then we have to pick who we are going to go see (some in MI, some in TN, some in AL, some in Nevada) and it's never the same ones as the year before. This summer my mom is coming down here for when I have the baby and it'll be two years since the last time we saw her. My DH, kids, and I stay really close too, because we're all we have down here.
    bdflykisses

    Answer by bdflykisses at 12:26 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • We have extended family, but not much, and those we do have we rarely see. It's not that they're all too far away, it's just that they don't seem to care. My parents were always "busy" and my ILs were always more interested in the families of my DH's brothers (3 of 'em), and we learned a long time ago to just deal with it. Instead of relying on blood family, we have created our own extended family of close friends. To us, family is more than just blood.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:34 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • We're the same as bdflykisses, but my kids also have a few adopted grandparents around here, which is what I was going to suggest. Try to find an elderly couple to be the grandparents your kids desperately need.

    Every summer, if our family isn't making their way down south for a visit to my parents, my mom is taking a trip up here. My in-laws, however, can "never" get away from their work or "don't have enough money" to come visit. Of course, I don't know their exact financial situation, but it almost seems like a cop-out to me. How is it my husband makes less than them combined, we have 4 children, they have 1 baby (Lab), yet they can't seem to be able to save $100 a month to come for a visit? And its def cheaper for them to come to us than us to go to them.
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 1:35 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • well just stay close to your husband and your kids get closer to god and about your family just pray for them they need alots of help they have places that they could go for help and if they llok for god he will show them the way so go to chrunch with your husband and kids and show them the way and you will see that every thing will be btter for all of you well this is all god bleess you all by
    marivel718

    Answer by marivel718 at 2:01 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • I am lucky to have lots of family, but when I was small, I lived a country away from any extended family. It was only my mom, Dad, and older brother. Life was really sweet then! We were a very close-knit family. I loved it. My mom had some friends who I loved to spend time with. I never felt I was missing anything. Honestly, moving back around my extended family when I was 8-years-old was very difficult because they were all loud, yelling, angry parents with the attitude "children should be seen and not heard." It was very big-family southern raising of kids, with my Grandmother and Aunts and Uncles always shouting at different children. It was scary. I was used to (in the west) being spoken to like a person of worth, being listened to, being reasoned with, etc. So, what I am trying to get at is I don't think your kids are necessarily missing out. If they have warm, loving parents, they are very lucky and probably won't...
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 11:06 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • know anything is missing (I didn't). I think the immediate family makes the most impact on a child. The one thing I would be worried about with your kids would be who would raise them if something ever happened to both you and your husband. Do you have any close friends who would take them? Distant relatives who are not close to you but who are not addicts either? I would be working on a will to designate what would happen to them in that case. Aside from that, you sound like superb parents making a loving little home for yourselves and your children. I'm sure it is harder/lonelier for you and husband to not have any family to turn to, but as for your children, don't worry, I don't think they will lack for love. <3 Hugs.
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 11:09 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

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