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My mother and I don't get along. We never have. She now wants to see my sons (and our new addition when he/she arrives) I don"t want her too. Thoughts Ideas Suggestions? Please

 
MaryanneMac

Asked by MaryanneMac at 12:34 PM on Apr. 9, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 9 (335 Credits)
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Answers (7)
  • My mother was NOT a good mother, but I have tried to work on being civil with her. Being alone and realizing she has alienated herself from her children and grandchildren hurts her...and even though she is incapable of offering a real apology for any of it, I think it would be cruel to her if I didn't let her see my children.

    Don't get me wrong, it is always with me, she doesn't get to pick them up and take them places, but I think that it is good for her and the kids both that we can do things like eat a meal together, or show her their toy room. Honestly, she is a much better grandma than she was a mother. Even though it used to make me sick that the kids loved to see her so much when I knew what a crappy mother she was to me, I tried to put it aside for their benefit.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 12:56 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • Get on the phone and tell her the truth tell her ow you feel and why.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 12:57 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • learn to forgive her and move on.settle ur differences ,so as 2 avoid future re-occurence.love and care about her well-being,don't 4get u 2 are a mother.
    triplejoy12

    Answer by triplejoy12 at 12:57 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • sorry how, you should forgive her forgiveness does not always mean you forget somethings that are done can be forgiven and only you know what happened and how it makes you feel and if she will do it to your kids as well. So you make the call.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 1:00 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • You don't have to let her see your kids. My mother and I never got along either. She abandoned me when I was a baby, among other things. I tried to encourage a relationship between her and my two children. It failed. On the rare occasion we'd ask her to watch the kids so we could go out on a date, or just get errands done without kids in tow, she made it seem like the world's largest inconvienience to watch/play with her grand kids for an hour (We haven't spoken since Christmas). My dad is no better, for other reasons; thank goodness for my in-laws who are fabulous.


    Nowhere does it say you have to let your mother see your children. You're a grown woman now and able to make these decisions yourself.

    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 1:02 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • I think if you cut your mother off from seeing her grandchildren you will be doing her AND your kids a huge disservice.
    Extended family is vital for children and unless she has done something so unforgivable that it warrants her not being part of your life, then I say let her be a part of your family. Just that you dont get along is very vague and so I cant really speak to your specific situation. The point is though, that I wouldnt be so hasty about doing something like cutting her off from your kids unless you have a VERY good reason. Not being able to get along doesnt rise to that level in my opinion.
    karen40b42day

    Answer by karen40b42day at 12:45 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • She's the ONLY Mom you will EVER have. Why punish your kid's and keep them from their Grandma just because YOU wont or refuse to even try and get along with her? Someday she will be dead, and you'll be sad about it and miss her AND all the opportunities you COULD of had to make things ok with her.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 12:49 PM on Apr. 9, 2011