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How do i handle this in a better way

This morning when i went to check on my son in his room. I notice that he was hiding his computer from my view. (He is 8 years old) I then asked him what is it that you don't want me to see? He said nothing i'm just looking at a game. I then said let me see and he kept trying to hide what he was looking at. I then took the computer from his hands as he clicked the delete button saying oops i made a mistake and deleted it. I then told him thats ok cause i can bring it up again. He was shocked and said, "you can". I said yes i can and proceeded to do so but i needed my glasses. I then asked him again what game was it or what site were you on. he said i don't know. i then said you do know and if by the time i come back with my glasses you don't tell me there will be a punishment since your obviously on a site you know your not allowed to be on. He then told me he was on a site looking at naked women. (Porn site)well i was shocked but, don't think i showed it. I asked him how he got to this site since we have the parental guides on it. I would like to know how i could have handled this better and how i should talk to him on this matter since i've never been in this situation before. I did ask him what made him go to this site and he said he heard his brother one day say the word sex. (don't ask me lol). Anyway I then asked him if he went there cause he had questions he said i don't know. I then told him well if you have any questions you know you can come to me or daddy and we will answer them for you, but that place you were on was not a good place and it has a distorted view of love and how it should be shown to some one you love. Your computer is going to be taken from you for awhile and when daddy wakes up he is going to have a (son-day ) talk with you. he got very upset and told me he didn't want daddy having the talk he wanted me to have it with him. I then told him no daddy needs to talk to you more then what i have told you. (I did not know what else i could say or do i was so shocked.) so i pawned it off on daddy. But i did tell him to calm down not to be upset about getting punished that he was not in trouble at all. I just wanted daddy to have a talk with him and answer any questions he had that he felt he couldn't ask me. Did i handle this correctly? and if not what more could I have done?

 
AngelPalindro

Asked by AngelPalindro at 1:35 PM on Apr. 9, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 4 (33 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • anyways OP... you set the guidelines with the blocks, and yes sometimes kids get around them. I believe what you did was the absolute correct way to handle it, minus maybe pawning it onto dad. BUT I can't say I wouldn't do the same if I had a son. (I have two girls), because there are things men discuss that us women can't fully explain like another man can. By not really punishing you are encouraging your children to come to you first rather than go behind your back, so as to keep a good open relationship with them, thus developing trust between yourselves. and that is great. it means your kids will learn respect in the right ways (not fear because mommy and daddy are tyrants)
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 2:42 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • Offer to talk to him also...........either all three of you or just you and he in combination with what dad says. He obviously feels comfortable with you and he may ask more questions of you. Both parents need to be involved.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 1:48 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • Sit down with him, with a picture of a naked woman, and point out the facts- "these are called breasts, they are used for nursing babies when they are first born, this is the vagina, it's used to peeing and child birth, this is the anus, it's used for pooping- any questions?" This avoids the sex talk that he may not be in need of or searching for, plus the facts typically embarrass the kid and therefor he will lose all interest at peeking at naked women. :) None of it is lying, but putting it all in a respectful point of view, It is what it is. Literally. GL
    KariLyn84

    Answer by KariLyn84 at 1:51 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • Even WITH parental controls set to ON on a computer it's still fairly easy for a child to get to sites that SHOULD be blocked. Nickelodeon.com comes to mind quickly. There are several "kid-friendly" sites that are easy gateways to places kids have no business being. I think you handled yourself rather well, all things considered.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 2:03 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • Don't mind vbruno. She stays on the rag 365 days a year.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • Wow everyone is being hard on you. I am sorry, but have to agree with them on some points - even for homework, a child should be in a room with his parents (supervision is always required), I have to say the talk should include you since he does seem to be more comfortable with you. As far as how you handled it at the time, not sure you could have done anything differently - taking the computer away and telling him that a talk is required seems appropriate to me. Things are much more difficult now than when I was raising my children and my granddaughter is not computer literate at this time. If you have a minister perhaps he/she could talk with your son - or maybe a police officer that you can trust, if you know one, could talk to him about the illegality of downloading porn even though he probably wasn't doing it this time.
    mamamel61

    Answer by mamamel61 at 2:20 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • cant' believe that vbruno is being so vicious! Ignore her, she's obviously has no idea what she is talking about.. wait until her kids are out on their own and bust out to freedom from things they could never do at home.. I know plenty of kids brought up by parents like vbruno and let me tell you.. one girl lost her virginity the minute she turned 18 and proceeded to sleep with 22 DIFFERENT guys in a one year time frame because she was overly supervised. So yeah, vbruno, have fun with that.

    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 2:38 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • i do supervise him he knows he isn't allowed on it unless we are there. But i'm sure as a mother you have been in the situation where your kids test the boundries and do as they please anyway. i guess i neglected to state this. he has his own net book because his school does their home work on a site. the parental controls were on and i am not sure how he got past them. i asked for advice not to be chastised. but as i've said before i have 2 kids and never have been in this situation before.
    AngelPalindro

    Comment by AngelPalindro (original poster) at 1:46 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • sorry i didnt know it was advice when i had already stated tht the parental cotrols WERE on i guess i just didn't read your advice correctly and in maryland they do have the sites tht the teachers use for the childrens homework to advance them on their own if they so desire. maybe my son is entitled but he is not a brat and is a good boy. and i could have sworn tht i stated in my answer to you tht WE DO NOT ALLOW HIM ON HIS NET BOOK UNLESS WE ARE THERE IN THE ROOM WITH HIM. AT NO TIME IS HE ALLOWED ON HIS NET BOOK WITH OUT ONE OF US PRESENT. Thank you for your advice. and also thank you to Karilyn for your very appreciated advice.
    AngelPalindro

    Comment by AngelPalindro (original poster) at 2:08 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • lol ty lmao
    AngelPalindro

    Comment by AngelPalindro (original poster) at 2:17 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

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