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What else can I do?

Ok I'm a fulltime stepmom meaning my stepkids live with me. My stepdaughter has been having pooping problems since I she came to live with us. So did my stepson but his problem stopped in a month I treated them the same she has never been consistent with her problem though. First she would she hold her poop til it come out in her undies or it come out all hard. I bought her suppositories and dried fruit and natural things to help. Took her to doctor to see if she had a medical issue nothing. We have tried time outs, butt woopens, sit on toliet every hour or so, ignoring it and having her shower each day and now wipes. We have noticed if she knew of an up coming event or movie etc. she'd stop her problem until then. So I know she can clean her end right but it seems I'll have to keep rewarding her. She is 7 soon to be 8 and I never rewarded my stepson for stopping his problem so I don't want to give her any special treatment because it wouldn't be fair. I'm pregnant and love all my kids the same but I'm so scared things will just get worst after the baby is born. I don't know what to do anymore. Before she lived with us she lived with hubby's family and his family would baby them but she was spoiled and focused on more than my stepson. His family would actually wipe their butts for them and do any other thing you can think of a grandparent spoils by. Stepdaughter is a great student we have no other problems with her except she still misses being babied. I have a 3 year old with my hubby and I don't baby him and so with our new addition to the family I feel she make become hurt and jealous. She is very estatic about the baby because its a girl but I'm not sure she knows what is to come. If anyone can offer some good advice I'm all ears.

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:55 PM on Apr. 9, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (5)
  • You hit a child bc she holds her poop? That makes no sense to me and probably not to her. This is probably an emotional issue for her so hitting her just enforces what she fears which is probably you. You DO need to treat her differently bc she IS different from her brother. She's a different person. Treat her in an effective way and hitting isn't effective. Talk with her. She's lost control of her life. Her pooping is probably the only thing she can control. Give her other things to control (like clothes or food or games) and she might get over this. So lighten up.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:59 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • i think that while she is excited about the new baby she is acting out in this way b/c even tho it's negative attention it's still attention. Maybe finding some time to do things just with her might help. i also agree with the no rewards thing b/c that would be something to do with a child that is just learning to go potty and she clearly knows how to. i really do think this is just a cry for attention and maybe sitting down and asking her if there is something bothering her might help. I hope that this helps!!

    Answer by amberpaiz at 6:00 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • I have tried talking to her she just saids she does it because she dirties her undies because she doesn't clean herself right it's always a different response. She has been with us going on two years in which she has made some progress. And for the first person who commented how would buying her games help? And spanking is not the only thing I have tried as I mentioned. When she does choose to keep undies clean we go to parks and the store in other words we do stuff I play with my kids outside.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:10 PM on Apr. 9, 2011

  • Hitting the child would only make things worse. Try going to the potty with her, and sometimes you have to get down to their level. Talk to her in her level, and see how that works. Toddlers learn by imitation, and watching you use the bathroom is a natural first step. The key to successful pottying is patience. If your child has a favorite doll or stuffed animal, try using it for potty demonstrations. Most children enjoy watching their favorite toy go through the motions, and may learn more this way than from you telling them what to do. Trust me, I know it's hard, but spanking won't help at all.

    Answer by ambr2006 at 2:08 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • I know totally what you are talking about here - i am a teacer and struggle with this too... for example i have a student who was hitting everyone at the begining of the year. i had to set up a reward system to "help him become more successful" and it workedbut at the same time it is so unfair - all the other kids didnt have that problem so they dont get rewarded for it... they are just expected to.... but every child is different. since you only have the three at this point have the other two work on a target behavior for equivelent rewards. it seems that the reward system WILL work based on yourexperiences (shopping, etc) and the expectation should grow. now that hitter in my class only gets his reward for having a good month, when at first the deal was daily.
    and about when the baby comes - most kids show a short term regression, they need to establish they still are important.

    Answer by AmaliaD at 3:48 PM on Apr. 10, 2011

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