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2 Bumps

Why doesn't my DD want to be around my fiance?

My DD is 5. My fiance (30) and I have been together for 2 years and live together (have for a year now). In September my DD and I moved to Cali to be closer to family and my fiance was coming in Dec after the school semester was up. For the 3 months he was there and we were here, my DD and I lived with my parents. After my fiance came he moved in with my parents as well until about a month ago when we went and got our own house again. Since we moved out of my parents house, my DD has been really emotional. I'm worried my mother may be putting crazy stuff in her head (shes my babysitter) because my mother likes to 'stir things up'. She has a tendency to magnify small problems and beat people down so that she can come back and be the savior, but i've never seen her involve my child in her BS. Today, my fiance went to pick my DD up, because he was off work before I was, and my DD threw an insane fit. She was sobbing and freaking out, I couldn't even get her to talk to me on the phone, she absolutely refused to go with him. He has picked her up many times before and we've never has this issue. So I went to get her and I talked to her. She said nobody is hurting her or being mean to her. She did say that she wanted it to be just me and her that lived here. I asked her why and the only thing she is is "I don't know" and "He puts the music on too loud" and "I just wanted you to pick me up mom". I trust my fiance not to hurt her in anyway, but he isn't the most 'kid-friendly' person. he doesn't have children of his own and is still learning, after 2 years, to have patience. He is a little more demanding of her and hard on her then I am, but not in ridiculous ways. Any idea what may be going on?

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:56 AM on Apr. 10, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • She's been through a lot of stressful life events recently: moving house is a really big one. She's probably just a little stressed. Lots of love and cuddles and time to settle in might be all it takes. Good luck. (I sympathise with the mother issue, and would suggest you don't let her babysit, at least not regularly, but I understand you probably don't have much of a choice there).

    Answer by judimary at 2:00 AM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • I did the same thing at that age. Really was an attention thing cause I hadn't yet established MY space yet & familiarity w things.

    Answer by shynu at 2:08 AM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • My 5 year old was being pretty stubborn and offish to my husband for a while after we moved in together and what worked for us was them having 1 on 1 time. He'd take her the movies or to the indoor playground, even McDonalds, just the two of them. She started warming up to him after that. Our situation is a little different than yours, but it's just an idea.

    Answer by Nanixh at 2:12 AM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • I would try to find another babysitter or good daycare. I would also have them do 1 on 1 stuff to. Your daughter is going to push your buttons to see what her limits are. Right now I bet you are all still stressed about the move. Have him take your daughter out to a movie or something and you get a nice quiet bubble bath, lol. Hope it all works out.

    Answer by Angela_1974 at 7:47 AM on Apr. 10, 2011

  • As well as him spending time with her you need to also, so she stays connected to you and doesn't feel like she is "losing" you to him. GL

    Answer by elizabr at 8:39 AM on Apr. 10, 2011

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